


a single truth

by dukerrs



Series: Blissful Agony [1]
Category: Dangan Ronpa: Trigger Happy Havoc
Genre: Attempted Murder, Blood and Gore, Character Death, Despair Disease (Dangan Ronpa), F/M, Murder, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-07
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 16:54:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 15
Words: 25,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26870983
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dukerrs/pseuds/dukerrs
Summary: Makoto has despair disease. It makes him extremely violent and have a drive for blood and murder (hes basically like feral at some points lmaooo) he snaps out of it, but how will that affect the others? lmao i'm terrible at summaries but be warned, later chapters will have kinda detailed gore
Relationships: Kirigiri Kyoko/Naegi Makoto
Series: Blissful Agony [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2003170
Comments: 89
Kudos: 95





	1. as the heart shatters

**Author's Note:**

> back again with me torturing my favorite characters :). this fic will be updated kinda slowly, as I have school, and I don't know how many chapters it will be but... I hope i can keep most of you along for the ride

Makoto had woken up with a pounding headache, with no explanation. He ignored it, however, and began towards the dining hall after exiting his room. It seemed as if with each step his headache got worse. When he made it into the dining hall, his vision started to blur slightly. He heard the others talking, but was too focused on the pain. As he sat down, Kyoko walked and stood next to him.

“Makoto are you alright?” she asked.

Makoto nodded, “Just a headache, I’m okay.”

Kyoko had a suspicion that was a lie, but she hoped he was telling the truth. He wasn’t acting the same energy he usually had, which is what prompted Kyoko to ask. Makoto had stood up, but promptly fell unconscious. Kyoko sighed, and waited by his side for him to wake up. Once he did, his demeanor changed completely. He had a gaze in his eyes that was that of slight insanity. She was taken aback by this change, but he got up and began walking to the kitchen without a word.

“What is he doing..?” Hina asked.

Kyoko ignored Hina and watched Makoto’s every move. He stayed in the kitchen for about a minute, until he came running out with a knife. He had a smile on his face as he lifted the knife up and essentially tackled Hina. Kyoko rushed over and grabbed his arm that was holding the knife.

“What is wrong with him?” Byakuya asked in a mildly concerned tone.

Kyoko didn’t answer as she was now struggling to grab the knife from Makoto’s grip. She motioned with her head for Hina to get up and get away, and she complied with no hesitation. Kyoko then grabbed both of Makoto’s forearms and flipped him over on his back rather aggressively. He was pinned to the floor, however he still attempted to stab Kyoko.

“Can some please grab the knife out of his hand.” she said with anger in her voice.

Byakuya, without saying a word, headed over to them, and pried the knife out of Makoto’s hand.

“W-whats wrong with him?” Hina shuddered.

“I don’t-“ Kyoko was cut off by Makoto.

“What’s wrong with me? What a stupid question,” He looked Kyoko dead in the eyes, “I just want all of you to die by my hand, that’s all.”

“Go search the school for something to tie him with,” Kyoko was letting her anger slip, “Now.”

The other 4 agreed and all hastily made their way out of the dining hall. It was now just Kyoko and Makoto alone.

“Can you let go now? This is beginning to hurt.” he laughed.

Kyoko didn’t answer him.

“Ya’ know… This is kinda kinky.”

“That’s disgusting Makoto.” caterwauled Kyoko.

“Not really,” he let out another laugh, “What would be disgusting is your body sliced open.”

“What is wrong with you?” Kyoko was shocked at what he was saying.

A few moments later the others walked back in with rope. They began walking towards the 2 and tied Makoto’s arms and legs together, and Kyoko let go of him. As they finished, Makoto was talking to himself about how he was going to kill everyone there, and Monokuma appeared in the dining hall.

“What the hell is this?” Kyoko asked, pointing at Makoto.

“Him? Oh yeah! I guess it's a motive, uhhhh not really though,” Monokuma started, “It’s called despair disease, I just got bored and I fuckin’ hate that lil’ hope slut.”

“Hope… what?” Kyoko was confused by monokumas explanation, “Why did you only give it to him if it's a motive?”

“What? Do you want it? It’s different for everyone and I can make it contagious sweetie.”

“No, that’s not what I meant,” Kyoko sighed, “There’s 6 of us, why him specifically?”

“Aight cool im leavin,” Monokuma didn’t answer the question, “But before I do, lemme tell you, this gets even worse until I stop it.”

“Thanks for the enlightenment.” Hina scoffed as Monokuma disappeared once again.

“Hey! Heyyyyy!” Makoto called out, “Can I have the knife back?”

Kyoko ignored him, “I’m taking him back to his room and watching him. 

“Don’t you think that's a  _ bit  _ dangerous though?” worried Hina, “I mean Monokuma did say it was gonna get worse.”

Kyoko looked at Makoto, “It’s completely safe. He doesn’t have much strength to begin with, any of us could easily overpower him.”

“Well fuck you too!” whinged Makoto.

“We’ll bring water and food periodically for the both of you,” spoke Byakuya.

Kyoko nodded and walked over to Makoto, who was just repeatedly asking for the knife back. Ignoring him, Kyoko picked him up, and started walking back to his room. She placed him on the floor of his room, and she sat down on the chair next to him. A few hours had passed without any incident, and not a lot of talking between them. 

“Can I go now i reaaaaaallllly wanna make someone bleed.” Makoto begged.

“Even in this state you’re still somehow sound optimistic. But no.” Kyoko shot him down.

“To hell with you. Anyways why’d you tie me down? Now this is reaally kinky Kyoko.” Makoto gibed.

Kyoko became flustered at his out of character remarks, but restrained herself from responding to them.

“Ok this… this is…” His speech became slurred.

“Makoto?” Kyoko became confused at his sudden change in speech pattern.

“I’m…. I’m gonn….gonna kill… kill… you…” His voice trailed off as he slipped into unconsciousness once again.

Kyoko watched in suspense; she assumed it was about to get worse like Monokuma claimed. He regained consciousness in a matter of a minute, but this time he already seemed more aggressive. As he woke up, there was only a short moment of silence before he started thrashing and biting at the thin rope. Kyoko jumped up as he somehow, extremely quickly, snapped the rope. As he stood up, Kyoko wasted no time in running for the door, and she opened and quickly shut it, leaning against it. To her surprise Byakuya was standing right outside the door.

“What just happened?” He questioned.

“Monokuma wasn’t lying. It got worse.” She replied.

A second later there was a bang on the door, followed by another and another. Now, Byakuya was also attempting to keep the door shut, however, with every hit against the door, it opened more. They had managed to keep the door shut for about a minute, until Makoto came bursting out, blood streaming down his face originating from his head. Kyoko and Byakuya were knocked back, and gawked at what used to be Makoto. He had a psychotic look on his face as he locked eyes with Kyoko. Kyoko reacted quickly and began running down the dorm halls, Makoto chasing quickly behind.  _ What the fuck is happening??  _ Kyoko's mind was racing as she turned a corner. Makoto had seemed to have come around the corner too fast, and slammed into the wall. That didn’t stop him, however, as he still followed behind Kyoko. She had come full circle, now seeing Byakuya and the others all concerned. Kyoko ignored them and kept running close to a wall. She stopped and quickly turned around and grabbed Makoto by the shoulders once he came up behind her, and pinned him against the wall. 

Makoto, in retaliation, grabbed Kyoko’s outstretched arms, “Aww is the little fucker too strong for Kyoko?”

He then promptly headbutted Kyoko. Her nose and head started to bleed, but this was a game of survival, and she had to ignore it. Oddly, however, Makoto ignored the others, and only kept his eyes on her. At this point, Kyoko expected no help from them. Without thinking, she quickly took off her jacket and slipped behind Makoto. She then threw the jacket over his head, holding it on both sides, and wrapped it around his neck. She violently pulled down, causing him to fall, and began to run once again. The others just stood and watched, for some odd reason, and didn’t attempt to stop Makoto. While Kyoko made her way out of the dorm hall, Makoto went into the dining hall and grabbed the knife that was still on the floor. Kyoko had run into the gym, deciding that if he were to find her, a larger space would be better for her survival. She locked both sets of doors, hoping that he wouldn’t be able to get in.

“You enjoying this??” Monokuma had suddenly appeared next to Kyoko.

“Why?” She asked firmly.

“It’s fun to watch ya dumbfuck.” Monokuma responded right before disappearing.

A few moments later, Kyoko heard the same banging on the door from earlier. She readied herself for him to come through. She was, however, slightly distraught at the fact Makoto was basically giving himself head trauma, and giving her some too. It was only a matter of minutes before Makoto had burst through the doors, head and face bloodier, and now with a knife. Kyoko froze, this wasn’t Makoto.  _ It’s not him, this is self defense.  _ She had to convince herself, she didn’t want to hurt him. Makoto began to circle her, and she went on the defensive.

“Oh, Kyoko,” he smiled, “Realized you’re gonna meet death?”

“Makoto, this isn’t you.”

“This isn’t me? Please, I’ve never felt fucking better.”

“If you kill me, you’re dying too,” Kyoko attempted to reason with him, “They’ll know it’s you.”

“I can just kill them too, try again~”

“Makoto, you don’t want to don’t. I know you-“

“Talking is so fuckin’ borin, time to kill of the Kirigiri family I guess.” Makoto interjected.

He then lept at her, and Kyoko dodged him. He ended up on the floor, leaving a small pool of blood. He was shaking his head as he began to get up, and Kyoko couldn’t run away.  _ Running will only prolong this, I have to trap him. _ Kyoko took a step back, not taking her eyes off him. She had hoped at least one of the others would come and help her, but based on their reactions earlier, they wouldn’t come. Makoto picked up the knife and looked Kyoko directly in the eyes. She took another step back, preparing herself. Instead of Makoto running towards her, he instead threw the knife, and it stabbed Kyoko directly in the thigh. She let out a small cry, but tried to ignore it and decided to head back to the others. She knew she couldn’t outrun Makoto like this, but she had to keep trying. As she made it through the first set of doors, she glanced back quickly and saw Makoto struggling to get up and stand. She assumed he was concussed, and partly felt bad. Ignoring that feeling, she decided that luring him in front of everyone would prevent her from getting killed. She had begun to run, rather slowly, towards the dorm hall. Every few moments, she checked to gauge where Makoto was. He was following behind, moving a noticeably slower and more uncoordinated pace. Once again, a small part of her wanted to help him, but for all she cared right now, this wasn’t Makoto. She was becoming more fatigued as the adrenaline wore off, and the pain was becoming increasingly intense. At this point, she still hadn’t made it to the dorms, and couldn’t go any farther. The pain in her leg was overwhelming, and she couldn’t move it without extreme pain. She had to keep the knife in, however, as she would be at risk for bleeding out. Hearing footsteps behind her, she turned around and braced herself. Makoto was soon right in front of her, looking her dead in the eyes. Attempting to reason with him was out of the question at this point, and the only thing she could do was accept her death.

“Thank you for the chase, my dear.” Blood was streaming down his face as he smiled.

Kyoko's response was grimacing,  _ Don’t do this Makoto, you don’t want this.  _ She took one step back, and Makoto lept at her. In a matter of seconds she was slammed to the ground with Makoto pinning her. His blood was dripping on her face as he just stared at her. With little hesitation, he grabbed the knife still sticking out of Kyoko’s leg, and ripped it out. Kyoko let out a small cry, and she began to hyperventilate slightly as she faced death. Makoto lifted the knife only a few inches above her face. He hesitated, and Kyoko had hoped he was still in there. However, the hesitation didn’t last long, and he swiftly sliced the left side of Kyoko’s face, hitting her eye in the process. She cried out as she felt the warmth of blood begin to stream over her face. Makoto then made a gash across her abdomen, which warranted another cry from Kyoko. He then began to make multiple, mostly shallow, cuts on both her arms and shoulders. Kyoko was losing consciousness from the pain and blood loss, but she forced herself to stay awake.

“Oh Kyoko, I would say I’m sorry, but I’m really fuckin’ not.” He laughed as he gripped the knife with both hands and lifted it above her chest.

Kyoko weakly reached her arm up and grabbed Makoto’s hand. Makoto froze, and soon felt tears rolling down his cheeks. Kyoko’s arm was shaking, and it dropped to the ground as she lost consciousness. Makoto lowered the knife, and looked at it. He began to shake, and looked up to see the others watching in shock from a distance.

He looked back down, “Ky..Kyoko?”


	2. post awareness guilt

He dropped the knife on the ground beside him. He leaned down and lifted her almost lifeless body and embraced her. He could still feel her breathing weakly.

Byakuya had stepped closer to the both of them, “Makoto, she needs medical care. I am asking you to step away.”

He was reluctant; however, he gently laid Kyoko back down and stood up shaikly. Byakuya was cautious when approaching them, mostly keeping his eye on Makoto as he lifted Kyoko up. 

“Ky...I...why…” Makoto was too shocked (and concussed) to even form a coherent sentence.

Byakuya hastily made his way towards the med bay, carrying Kyoko. Makoto dropped back down to the floor next to the pool of blood. He looked down at his open palms and saw her blood staining them.

“Damnnnnn that was fun to watch but it got boring,” Monokuma had come to taunt Makoto, “All you did was bang your head on shit, I’m surprised you actually tried to kill her.” 

Makoto didn’t respond, he was still trying to process what he just did.

“Great conversation.” Monokuma said right as he left.

Makoto looked up and saw Aoi standing a few feet away from him.

“Wh… what … happened.. w-why did I…” Makoto trailed off.

Aoi remained silent. Her expression was a mix of pity, anger, and fear.

“Makoto..” She was going to finish her thought, but instead paused and walked towards the medbay.

After a few more moments of contemplating, Makoto stood up. He was hit with a wave of dizziness, and placed his hand on the wall to regain steadiness. The pain in his head was getting worse, and he sharply inhaled as it began to throb. Trying to ignore it, he wiped most of the blood off his face, and began to walk to the medbay. It was a short walk; however, his concussion caused him to stumble and take an abnormally long time. He made it to the doors, and hesitated in opening them. He needed to see Kyoko, but he wondered if she wanted to see him. His thoughts were foggy; he didn’t remember any events after being in the dining hall, moreover. He zoned out in front of the entrance to the medbay, but was quickly pulled back to reality as the doors opened. Aoi was now standing face to face with Makoto, and she seemed slightly startled. He caught a glimpse inside, and saw a bloodied (somehow alive) Kyoko on a bed with Byakuya next to her suturing her cuts. He instinctively tried to walk in and go over to Kyoko, but Aoi put her arm out and stopped him.

“I’m sorry.. I know you aren’t gonna do anything but Byakuya told me to keep you out.” She explained.

Makoto understood why, but it still hurt him.

“O-oh… I see…” he sighed, “Can you at least tell me how she’s doing?”

Aoi stepped out of the door frame, letting them shut behind her. Makoto stepped back, still dizzy. Aoi kept her distance from him; however, she was still worried that Makoto might do something again.

“She’s… well Byakuya says she’ll be fine but..” she was visibly nervous, “I mean what you did to her…”

Makoto didn’t exactly know everything that happened, but remembering Kyoko’s bloodied body led to enough inference for a conclusion. 

“...What… What even happened? What did I do?” He asked, pain in his voice.

“O-oh.. Uhm I mean.. after you passed out, you got the knife and tried to attack me… Kyoko held you down, and we tied you up and brought you to your room,” she spoke in a quiet voice, “A-after that… Kyoko came out of the room. You burst through the door like seconds later.. Then you started chasing her all around, and she caught you at one point, but you basically headbutted her in the face. Then that's all we know.. She isn’t too awake right now and hasn’t told us the rest.”

Makoto’s heart sank after hearing that, and he was at a loss for words. He could barely comprehend anyone doing that, much less him doing that to Kyoko.

“I-I need to see her… I need to apologize..” his thoughts were beginning to become disorganized, “She.. I didn’t… oh god Kyoko I’m so sorry.”

“Makoto, I know it really wasn’t your fault… and I’m sure she knows that too,” Hina stepped back, “But I really don’t think… I mean… seeing her right now is probably not the best idea.”

The rational part of himself understood that, but his guilt was overwhelming him.

“Please… I can’t just leave her like that…” he pleaded.

“I can ask Byakuya… but I don’t think he’ll agree.”

Makoto nodded slightly, and Hina stepped back into the medbay. Makoto kept one door open, and stood in the doorway. He saw Byakuya cleaning up a slightly bloody mess from suturing. He looked over at Kyoko, who now had bandages on her arms, abdomen, face, and leg. Byakuya looked up.

“What is he doing here?” Byakuya asked, shooting a glance at Makoto.

“...He wants to see her.” 

“No. Makoto, I will talk to you outside in a moment. Please exit and wait.” He ordered.

Makoto didn’t present any argument, and did as he was told. A few moments later, Byakuya walked out and faced Makoto. Makoto opened his mouth to speak, but was cut off before he could even begin.

“Before you speak,” began Byakuya, “You certainly must have a concussion. I will bring you pain medications if you need them, but you are not to enter the medbay while Kyoko is in there.”

Makoto ignored what he said, “Is she okay?”

Byakuya narrowed his eyes, “She’ll live. First and foremost, she is blind in her left eye now. You also cut her abdomen open; not too deep, however. There was also a deep stab wound in her right thigh, and I haven't the slightest idea how that will affect her walking. Finally, she had around 40 small cuts in each arm. All that combined, she lost a significant amount of blood.”

“I..? I di...did t-that?”

“Yes.. You really seemed to enjoy yourself while doing so,” nodded Byakuya, “You treated it like a game.”

“No.. T-that wasn’t me!”

“It may not have been your normal self, but I assure you, you did this.”

He knew Byakuya was right, he just didn’t want to accept that fact. Listening to what he did to Kyoko was horrible. Guilt was overwhelming him, he still could barely grasp the fact that he almost killed her.

“If you won’t let me see her, please tell her I’m sorry,” He bowed his head.

“Tch. A sorry isn’t going to do much after almost killing someone.”

“I know!” Makoto shot his head up, “But I can’t do much else since you won’t let me in.”

“I’ll consider it,” Byakuya placed his hand on the door handle, “However, heed my warning. I don’t trust you currently.”

_ Thanks for putting it so nicely.  _ The pain in his head was becoming more intense.

“...C-could I take up the offer on the pain meds?”

Byakuya scoffed and nodded. Byakuya stepped into the medbay, and came out with a bottle of OTC painkillers. Makoto took the bottle from Byakuya, sighed, and began to walk back to his room. He couldn't take his mind off Kyoko. He needed to see her, but as long as Byakuya was in there, he couldn’t. He made it to his room, again taking a longer amount of time due to the concussion. He just barely made it into his room before collapsing on the ground; the pain and dizziness was overwhelming. He groaned and placed his hands over his eyes. 


	3. drifting camaraderie

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tbh sorry if theres like kinda an excessive use of semicolons lmaoo

“Please Kyoko, stay alive..” he sighed.

He picked up the pill bottle again and opened it. He took 3 capsules, then closed it and placed it on the ground next to him. His head was pounding, and he didn’t want to get up from the floor. He forced himself to stand up, however. As he regained some balance, another wave of dizziness and pain came over him. He glanced over at the clock, and it read 1:00. _How long was I chasing her_ _? _ More guilt began to overwhelm him when he realized how long he was going after Kyoko. Oddly enough, he realized his only injury was on his head; but he was told he did that to himself.

“She… She didn’t even hurt me.” he began, “Why..”

After standing there for a few minutes, letting his guilt take over, he turned towards the door. He had decided that he was going to see Kyoko, hopefully, whether or not Byakuya was still present. However, he hesitated in opening the door, contemplating what Byakuya had told him.  _ I know she probably doesn’t want to see me but…  _ He shook his head slightly and opened the door. The silence throughout the halls was deafening, it had made Makoto slightly unnerved. Sure the halls were never bustling, but the silence wasn’t all too normal either. Even with only 6 of them, there always seemed to be at least one person outside their room. As he looked around, he began to notice small pools of blood around the dorm area. He felt a sinking feeling in his chest, he knew this was a mix of his and Kyoko’s blood. 

“Admiring your work?” Monokuma had appeared next to Makoto.

Makoto was slightly startled by the sudden interjection from Monokuma; but it had become fairly normal and didn’t think too much of it, however. What he did take issue with was the statement itself. He didn’t want everyone to keep reminding him; however, he was now constantly surrounded by reminders. He ignored Monokuma and kept walking back towards the medbay. He once again made it back to the medbay doors, and hesitated. His thought process was somewhat clouded, but he still had a lingering feeling in the back of his mind that this was a bad idea. He sighed, and pushed open the door. He noticed Byakuya was gone, but Hina was still there. She was sitting next to Kyoko’s bed, and they were talking; until Makoto walked in. It seemed as if the whole atmosphere of the room had changed. Kyoko quickly turned her head to Makoto and was obviously trying to hide her fear. Makoto had kept his distance, but didn’t leave the room.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

Kyoko had regained consciousness only to be met with extreme pain throughout her body. She also quickly noticed she had no vision from her left eye. She let out a small groan and turned her head to the right to see Hina sitting next to her.

“Oh! You’re awake!” she smiled.

“I’m… alive?” Kyoko asked weakly, “Where is he?”

“It’s okay.. He snapped out of it.” Hina responded.

“Please,” Kyoko was fatigued appeared to be slightly struggling to speak, “Don’t let him near me.”

Hina was taken off guard by that statement, however she complied and nodded her head.

“How are you feeling?” Hina changed the subject, “Byakuya told me what pain meds to give you if you need any more of them.”

“I’m okay.” Kyoko lied, rather obviously.

Hina narrowed her eyes, “You sure? I mean… I just want you to be at least kinda comfortable.”

Kyoko gave a small nod, “It’s okay, I can handle it.”

“Sorry there’s like no morphine in here, I just don’t like seeing you in pain.” 

“I wouldn’t even accept that strong of a drug,” Kyoko closed her eye, “I would prefer to retain some dignity.”

Their conversation went quiet for a few minutes. Truly, Kyoko was in excruciating pain, but she had learned to hide it slightly better than the average person. Even the slightest of movements made the pain increase, especially in her abdomen.

“Oh, wait, weird question,” Hina started, “Byakuya told me to ask you… Do you remember everything that happened?”

Kyoko gave a short sigh, and nodded. The memories were slightly foggy, but overall she recalled the events.

“Sorry if you really don’t want to talk about it but Byakuya wouldn’t stop bugging me about asking you,” Hina leaned back in her chair, “He said to specifically ask about when you left the dorms.”

Kyoko shuddered slightly, she had dealt with traumatic events before but this… was just entirely different. Makoto was one of the two people she had truly begun to open up to, the other one she hadn’t seen in years. For her to almost be killed by him, it was simply horrible. Hina had said Makoto had snapped out of whatever that was, but Kyoko still couldn’t shake the fear she had.

“Kyoko? Are you okay?” Hina asked in a concerned tone.

Kyoko was pulled out of her thoughts, and nodded.

“You don’t have to tell me now.” affirmed Hina.

Kyoko shook her head, “It’s okay. After I left the dorm hall, I went into the gym. Of course, he followed, now with the knife. He tried to leap at me, but I dodged him. Then he..” Kyoko hesitated for a moment, “He threw the knife, and it hit me in the leg. I tried to make it back to the dorms, but that’s when he caught me. Then..”

Kyoko stopped. Every moment was becoming clearer. The pain, the fear; it was all coming back to her fully.

“Kyoko? It’s okay, you don’t have to continue.”

Kyoko began to speak again, however, “He ripped the knife out of my leg...the first cut was… my face… then the stomach… then the arms… Oh god.”

This is when reality truly sunk in for her.

“The pain. It was unbearable. I was wishing to die in that moment. He had no remorse. He was going to kill me.”

“Hey hey.. It’s over now.. It’s okay.. You’re still alive and-” Hina attempted to soothe Kyoko but was cut off by a noise.

Both of them looked over to the origin, and they saw Makoto standing in the doorway.

\-----------------------------------------------------------------

“Kyoko-” he attempted to speak.

“Makoto, leave.” asserted Hina.

Makoto stood there dumbfounded after his attempt to simply talk to Kyoko. He looked back at Kyoko, who was just staring with a cold, emotionless look; the look that she gave him when they first met. Makoto essentially felt his heart break as he realized Kyoko didn’t trust him at all anymore. He didn’t fully expect her to but the little glimmer of hope he had was immediately put out. It was apparent to him at this point this is one thing he couldn’t fix.

“Makoto. I said to leave.” Hina stood up, her demeanor was clearly aggressive.

He stood there for another moment with a dejected look, then walked out.


	4. a misplaced battle

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!TW!!  
> selfharm  
> suicide attempt
> 
> sorry for slow publishing of chapters and maybe kinda lower writing quality, im really tired n have a lot of school work currently, but thank yalls for all the support so far :)!

As he began walking back to his dorm, he ran into Byakuya, who was heading towards the medbay. 

“What did I say about going in there?” Byakuya didn’t even need to interrogate.

Makoto kept the same defeated look on his face and stayed silent.

“Tch. All of you are children.” scoffed Byakuya, “How did you fail to listen to a simple command?”

“I just… wanted to see her.” Makoto was mumbling slightly.

“Honestly, it’s difficult to imagine her wanting to see you.”

Makoto sighed, and walked past Byakuya. He knew Kyoko hated him now, he could see it in her expression. Every bit of trust they had built up was immediately torn down and destroyed in a matter of seconds; it had crushed him. After mindlessly wandering the halls, he made it back to his dorm. As he shut the door behind him, he had a sudden burst of rage.

“FUCK” he yelled.

At this point, he couldn’t tell what emotion he was feeling anymore; his sadness, guilt, and anger had all become indistinguishable. Soon enough, he had begun to cry without noticing. He leaned against the wall, and slid down it until he was on the ground. Through blurry eyes, he looked over next to him and stared at the pills that were left on the ground.  _ Stop. Don’t even think about it.  _ He placed his hands over his face, still wet from the tears. After calming down, he sighed. The pain in his head came back, stronger than before due to the crying. Groaning, he stood up, walked to his bed, and laid down.

“I’m sorry Kyoko.” He said as he closed his eyes.

\----------------------------------------------------

_ “Makoto!” a voice called, followed by banging on his door. _

_ He groggily sat up and looked at his clock.  _ 2:30, I need to stop sleeping this much.  _ He was home for spring break, and already hated being back home. It’s not that his home life was bad, he loved his family, but he rarely got any alone time. _

_ “MAKOTO! HEYYY!” _

_ He groaned and stood up, but was promptly hit with a wave of dizziness and began to gray out. This became a normal occurrence, however. He ignored it and walked towards his door, and opened it. He was met with his sister, who was about to start knocking on the door again. _

_ “Was the banging necessary?” He asked, rubbing his eyes. _

_ “I coulda just walked in,” Komaru smiled, “Anyways it’s almost 3, why were you still sleeping hm?” _

_ He shrugged, and reached his arms up to stretch. He looked at Komaru, who was now frowning. _

_ “What?” He asked as he lowered his arms. _

_ She pointed at his arm, “You promised.” _

_ Makoto’s heart sank. He hadn’t cut in a month, but the new year at Hope’s Peak was already so stressful. He’d been going there for a while now, but still felt so out of place, and one of his worst depressive episodes yet had hit him. It was simply too much to handle.  _

_ “Komaru.. I’m sorry..” He lowered his head in shame. _

_ Komaru hugged him, and began to tear up. _

_ “I can’t lose you Makoto. Please..” _

_ “Hey, I’m not going anywhere. It’s just… stressful right now,” he sighed, “I’ll stop. I mean it this time.” _

_ What he said was half true. However, what Komaru didn’t know was that about 2 months ago, he had attempted, and survived only because Sayaka had found him. He had overdosed on his Prozac, however because Sayaka had found him so soon, he stayed alive. Currently, he found himself considering it often. After the first attempt, he stopped taking his pills, which directly caused this depressive episode. _

_ “Please Makoto.” _

\----------------------------------------------------

The doorbell was ringing when he woke up. It was 4:00 and he had fallen asleep without noticing. Standing up, he noticed the head pain had subsided slightly, but the dizziness was still present. He walked over to the door and opened it. Hina was standing there with a slightly remorseful look.

“Sorry for the outburst earlier…” she began, “but that’s off topic. Byakuya told me to come and get you, he said it was important.”

_ He couldn’t have just come himself? _

“O-okay.. Where is he?” queried Makoto.

“Library. I think.”

Makoto nodded and began to make his way to the Library.  _ Why did he send Hina? Why didn’t he just come to my room?  _ He was lost in his thoughts and made it to the doors of the Library without noticing. He walked in and saw Byakuya sitting at his usual desk reading some true crime book. He looked up at Makoto standing near the entrance.

“Oh, you’re here.” He placed the book down on the table.

“Why didn’t you just come ask me yourself?” Makoto was still confused.

Byakuya shook his head, “That’s besides the point. I needed to ask you, why do you have such a need to see Kyoko?”

“That’s… a kinda stupid question.”

“Answer.”

“She almost died! I can’t just leave her there without even saying so much as a sorry.”

“Peculiar. I think you still have an urge to finish off the job. Am I correct in assuming that?”

“Wh- No! I would never kill anyone! It’s the mastermind’s fault, I didn’t willingly choose to do that.”

“That’s exactly it, Makoto. You didn’t choose to do that. Who’s to say you still don’t have an urge?”

“What are you even saying? Does it look like I want to kill anyone?”

“Who’s to say what you could be planning. Anyways, that is all I needed from you. However, i would still recommend you stay away from Kyoko for the time being.”

Makoto stopped arguing and walked out, rather frustrated at the accusations. As he walked back down the stairs, he glanced at the entrance to the medbay, and contemplated going back. But, he soon remembered the look on Kyoko’s face, and instead walked back to his room. Before making it to his dorm, however, he heard footsteps behind him. He turned around and saw Hina approaching him at a slightly increased pace.

“Makoto.” Hina hesitated, “she’s asking for you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the block of italicized text is just a flashback, its not a dream, and makoto is not directly remembering it, its just there for context for future chapters. anyways, there will be flashbacks kinda littered throughout certain chapters and they should explain most of what is not known as they continue


	5. isolated defeat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!TW!!  
> suicide attempt

Makoto felt a bit of relief knowing Kyoko was asking for him, but still had a bad feeling about it. He nodded, and began walking to the medbay, Hina following behind. After a short walk, Makoto placed his hand on the door handle, and turned to look at Hina.

“Are you sure about this?” he asked, mildly distressed.

Of course, he wanted to see Kyoko, but Byakuya's warning made him weary.

She shrugged, “I don’t know, I wouldn’t ignore her though.”

Makoto faced the door again and sighed as he pushed it open. What he saw was Kyoko, sitting up slightly on her bed, staring at him entering. He had stayed a decent distance away from Kyoko, while Hina stood in the doorframe.

“Makoto.” She said.

He was slightly startled by the sudden announcement from her.

“Y-yes?”

“This is the only time I’ll tell you. Stay away from me.” she put bluntly.

“Kyoko- please,” he felt a rush of emotions, “Please I’m sorry!”

She didn’t respond, still giving him the same piercing gaze. Makoto was going to stay something, but stopped himself. He felt a wave of anxiety and guilt. Dropping his head, he walked out, legs slightly shaky.

“Why is it impossible for you to listen?”

He looked up, and saw a slightly agitated Byakuya looking down at him.

“She asked for me. I’m not going back again.” Makoto responded.

“Did she finally tell you to leave her alone?” scoffed Byakuya.

Makoto gave a small nod accompanied by a sigh.

“I guess there was no need to hold that short symposium earlier,” He began, “However, this time I do hope you listen. I’d rather not have to have another trial.”

An irritated look flashed over Makoto’s face before he began to walk away towards the dorms.

\----------------------------------------------------

_ His official depression diagnosis had a noticeable effect on the family. They had begun to treat him differently, and he hated it. They were treating him as if he was a child, at least his parents were. Komaru had still treated him normally, mostly. _

_ “Hey Makoto?” Komaru asked. _

_ He was sitting on the floor of his room, looking at his phone. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Why don’t you take your pills anymore?” _

_ Makoto looked up, he was trying to come up with an excuse. _

_ “Uhm.. I don’t know, I just kinda forget to take them I guess..” _

_ Komaru was suspicious of him, but she didn’t keep questioning about it. _

_ “I’m just scared.. I mean I was terrified when Hope’s Peak told us you were in the hospital,” Komaru paused, “I really thought you had tried to…” _

_ Makoto froze, he only thought his parents knew about that. They clearly didn’t tell Komaru about the details, but it’s not too difficult to work out what happened. _

_ “O-oh. You knew about that?” _

_ “Mom and Dad told me.. They refused to bring me though.. And didn’t tell me why you were there.” _

_ He wanted to tell Komaru the truth, he really did. But he could never bring himself to do it. _

_ “Hey, don’t worry. It’s okay..” he gave a small smile, “I was just... really sick.. That's all.” _

_ He wasn’t lying, the overdose was hell on his body. He only remembered taking the pills and waking up in the hospital. He was told, however, most everything that had happened from an outside perspective. Komaru still had a concerned look on her face. _

_ “Komaru, I promise. I’m staying here.” _

\----------------------------------------------------

“Kyoko, is this really a good idea?” worried Hina, “I mean, I understand why you would do that but… I don’t think-”

“I’m not letting him get another chance.” 

Kyoko had lost all trust in Makoto, as much as she hated it. She wished everything was still okay between them; however, to her, the most logical decision was to keep him away.

“I really don’t think he’s gonna do anything again though.. He really seemed distraught.” Hina informed Kyoko.

“That’s not relevant. He could easily be putting up a façade,” Kyoko turned her head towards Hina, “You’re not attempting to defend his actions, are you?”

“N-no… What he did was terrible but it really wasn’t his fault... ya’know?”

Kyoko knew that. She knew Makoto wasn’t planning anything and that he would never willingly hurt anyone. But the fear lingering in her mind was preventing her from accepting that fact. Her thoughts were interrupted by sharp pain returning on the left side of her face and abdomen. She clenched her jaw in an attempt to somewhat hide the fact she was in pain.

“Are you ok?” Hina turned her head slightly.

Kyoko gave a quick nod, “It’s just some pain, I’ll be fine.”

“I’ll get the painkillers.”

“I don’t need them.”

“Oh stop being so stubborn,” Hina started walking towards the medicine cabinet, “Suffering isn’t gonna help anything.”

Hina walked back to Kyoko, handing her a pill and a small cup of water.

“You’re trying to give me Oxycodone?” Kyoko had a suspicious look on her face.

Hina shrugged, “This is what Byakuya said to give you.”

Reluctantly, Kyoko took the pill, increasing her arm pain in the process. She could hardly move any part of her body without extreme pain. A few moments later, Byakuya walked in.

“I must ask, do you think you can walk?” He questioned.

Kyoko looked at him, “Possibly.. I don’t have too much sensation in my leg, however.”

“That poses an issue,” Byakuya responded, “It seems as if your femoral nerve is severed.”

“So… what was the point of the question?” Hina chimed in.

“It’s almost 10. She can’t sleep here.” Byakuya pointed out.

Kyoko nodded, and turned her body slowly. She stood up, bearing weight on her left leg. Hina went to her right side, and placed her arm around Kyoko to support her.

“I really don’t need help,” said Kyoko.

“You don’t get a say. You’re literally not able to walk and I can see it,” Hina began, “You’re putting all your weight on your left side.”

Kyoko let out a sigh of defeat, and began to walk out of the medbay.

\----------------------------------------------------

Makoto had been pacing around the empty dorm halls for about an hour, trying to clear his mind. However, his attempts had failed, his mind kept replaying the moment Kyoko had told him to stay away. This distressed him immensely, and the killing game situation didn’t help his anxiety at all. He heard footsteps entering the dorm hall, and he stopped his pacing. He looked up to see Byakuya, Hina, and Kyoko walking in. He froze and just stared at Kyoko, who was essentially being carried by Hina. Byakuya noticed Makoto immediately and shot him a warning glance. Makoto didn’t move, however, his body wouldn’t let him. Kyoko looked up and stopped in her tracks when she saw him. The look Kyoko was giving him was what made him quickly go back into his dorm. He quickly shut his door and felt the guilt returning. He began to hyperventilate and leaned back on his door. Seeing Kyoko in such a state was already terrible enough, but knowing he did that was the straw that broke the camel's back. He broke down and began to sob.

\----------------------------------------------------

_ “I’m sorry.” Makoto was holding an open pill bottle in his hand. _

_ It was a new bottle, filled with 60 40 milligram pills. He looked down at the bottle, and began to shake slightly. However, with little hesitation, he began to swallow the pills, handfuls at a time, until the bottle was empty. He dropped the bottle and gave a small laugh. _

_ “What did I just do?” _

_ About 30 minutes had passed with no noticeable effects, until he started having tremors. His vision also had begun to become blurred, followed by a headache and nausea. At some point, he felt himself getting weaker, and passed out. _

_ - _

_ Sayaka was standing at Makoto’s door; he had asked her to come over that night. She didn’t think too much of it because it tended to be a normal occurrence. She rang the doorbell, but didn’t get a response. After waiting a few more moments with no answer, she knocked on the door. However, the door opened as she tried to knock. It was mildly worrisome, but she attempted to ignore it, as he had a tendency to leave his door unlocked. But unlocked and open was uncommon for him. She pushed the door open more and called out his name, with no answer. She hesitantly walked in, and saw Makoto’s unconscious body laying on the floor with an empty pill bottle next to it. She let out a scream and rushed over to his body. _

_ - _

_ Kyoko happened to be out that night, and was walking back to her dorm. However, as she opened her door, she heard a scream coming from a few doors down. She hastily made her way over to the origin of the scream, and saw Makoto’s door open. _

_ “Makoto?” She called out. _

_ “Oh god Kyoko!” _

_ She instantly recognized the voice as Sayaka’s and quickly walked into the room. What she saw was a crying Sayaka kneeling on the ground next to Makoto. _

_ “What happened?” She asked, urgency in her voice. _

_ “I-I think he overdosed. I j-just found him like this.” Sayaka shakily responded. _

_ For the first time in a long time, she had felt her heart drop as panic set in. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> funfact! this was actually meant to be a oneshot and now we have this and tbh kinda livin for it. this fic has already been so much fun to write, and i hope y'all are enjoying it :) as always, thanks for reading, it truly means so much to me


	6. fleeting memories

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i really am adding kirizono in here too huh. n e ways sorry for not posting ;-; i've been really busy with school work n life (chapters might come out a bit slower, it all just depends on school rn). thanks for reading, love y'all <33

Monokuma’s announcement woke him up. He had found himself on the floor of his room next to his door. His head was pounding, and his vision was blurred. The lights in his room were only increasing the pain, so he closed his eyes and placed his hands over them. Letting out a groan, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He looked over at the pill bottle, which was still on the floor, and took 2 more pills. As much as he didn’t want to, he decided to go to the dining hall. As he pushed himself up from the ground, he became dizzy. He tried to steady himself by leaning on the wall; however, his vision began to darken. He dropped his head and leaned down towards his legs, a trick he learned to not pass out. After a few seconds, his vision returned and he stood up straight again. After letting out a sigh, he began to worry about how Kyoko would act.

“No.” he said to himself, “It’s gonna be ok. This is just temporary.'"

Deep down he had already accepted it wouldn’t get better, but overall, he was hopeful that it would be temporary. He opened his door to an empty hallway, and began walking towards the dining hall. Before entering, his heart rate increased, as he became riddled with anxiety. He hesitated and contemplated entering, he didn’t know if the others even wanted to see him.

“You gonna walk in or just stand there?” A voice spoke from behind him.

He turned around and saw Hina, who still seemed to be keeping her distance.

“Where’s.. Kyoko?” He immediately asked.

“Oh.. Uhm back at the medbay,” replied Hina, “Byakuya said it’s better to keep her there for now.”

He was saddened, but relieved at the same time. He wanted to see Kyoko, even if she didn’t want to see him. But his relief came from him knowing he wouldn’t have to deal with the guilt of seeing her again.

“A-are you ok?” Hina cocked her head.

“Y-yeah.. Just still shaken up by yesterday, I guess.”

She frowned, “Are you sure it’s just that? I mean you really don’t look good.”

“It’s just my head..” he nodded, “It’s not that big of a deal.. I mean Kyoko’s injuries-”

He stopped talking abruptly as images of Kyoko flashed in his mind.

“Just… Just take care of yourself okay? She knows it wasn’t truly you who did that.”

After hearing that statement, he wanted to ask so many things, the main question being  _ “Then why did she ask me to stay away?” _ He inhaled, nodded, and forced a small smile.

“Okay. Take care of her for me though.”

Hina nodded, walked past Makoto, and entered the dining hall, Makoto following.

\----------------------------------------------------

_ Bright lights were flooding his vision. It burned. He was moving, and heard loud talking surrounding him as his eyes opened slightly. He couldn’t make out any specific words, it all seemed blurred. Suddenly, he felt the movement stop, followed by a voice close to him. He could make out some of the words now. _

_ “I’m gonna need you to listen to me, okay?” _

_ He gave a small nod, and closed his eyes again. _

_ “Hey hey! Stay awake.” _

_ His eyelids felt heavy, he could barely open them. _

_ “I’m just going to put a tube up your nose and down your throat, okay? Just relax.” _

_ He again nodded slightly. As he felt the tube go into his throat, he began to cough. Then the pain came, it felt as if he was being choked. Soon it was over and he felt the tube stop moving. More yelling came from around the room. He could feel his body getting weaker, and his breathing slowing. He tried keeping his eyes open, but gave in and closed them. _

_ “Makoto! Makoto, stay awake.” _

_ That voice, he knew it. That one calming voice was the only thing he was focusing on. He opened his eyes slightly. _

_ “Ky...Kyo…” _

_ His body was too weak to even talk. He felt his consciousness slipping. _

_ “Makoto, stay with us, please.” _

_ Sayaka. He turned his head slightly and could make out the blurred shapes of both girls. He gave a small smile, and slipped into unconsciousness. _

\----------------------------------------------------

He didn’t eat that morning. He just sat in silence. The others had left, leaving him behind. His mind was still lingering on Kyoko. He despised it. Sighing, he pushed the chair out and stood up.

“Hey ya lil bitch!”

He was startled by that shrill voice coming from behind him, but he knew exactly who it was.

“Can you like… Do something??” piped Monokuma, “Like go finish killing Kyoko or some shit i don’t know.”

Makoto just started at the bear.

“Not doin’ it for ya? Oh! OH! I know!! You should get all depressed again!! That used to be so fun to watch.”

Makoto was taken off guard by that statement.

“What do you mean by that?” He questioned.

“Nothing in particular,” Monokuma turned away from him, “'Cept for I know about allllllll your secrets, like on your arms!”

Makoto became agitated, he didn’t want to think about that right now. He didn’t even remember the last time he did that, however the reminders never went away.

“You’re terrible.” Makoto began to walk towards the door.

“Aww thanks!”

\----------------------------------------------------

She felt slightly guilty for essentially cutting Makoto off; however, she kept reassuring herself it was the right thing to do.  _ It’s better for me anyways.. He could go on and murder someone and I can’t let that bias set in. _ She sat in silence.  _ No.. He wouldn’t kill anyone.  _ Arguing with herself, great. She placed her head in her hands.

“You good?” Hina asked.

Kyoko looked up, “Yeah.”

_ Don’t ask. _

“How.. How is Makoto doing?”

_ You dumbass. _

“M-Makoto?” Hina broke eye contact, “Uhm.. Okay? I don’t really know, honestly.”

Kyoko faced forward again.  _ Stop thinking about him. He just tried to kill you. _

“Kyoko?”

“Yes?”

“I-if you don’t mind me asking,” Hina fidgeted, “Why did you ask about him?”

Kyoko didn’t answer. She didn’t know why, but even after Makoto attacked her, she still felt the need to protect him.

\----------------------------------------------------

_ Makoto had been in the ICU for the night. He was alive, and was doing okay after the stomach pump. However, Kyoko still felt anxious. She was stroking Sayaka’s hair, who had fallen asleep with her head on Kyoko’s lap. Makoto was also asleep on the bed in front of them, hooked up to multiple machines. The sun was rising, golden light peeking through the curtains of the room. There was a knock at the door, which woke Sayaka up. _

_ “I’ll get it.” Kyoko said as Sayaka lifted her head up. _

_ She walked over to the door and opened it to see her dad standing there. _

_ “What are you doing here?” Kyoko stepped out into the hall. _

_ “He’s an enrolled student, I need to call his parents.” Jin said without emotion. _

_ “You had to come here to do that?”  _

_ “I need to give his parents all the information I can get.” _

_ Kyoko narrowed her eyes. _

_ “I’ll let you go in, but leave right after. I don’t want you here.” _

_ “Kyoko..” _

_ “No. You get to see him, then you leave.” _

_ Jin silently agreed to Kyoko’s terms, and they both walked in the room. Sayaka had fallen back asleep in the window nook, and Makoto was also still asleep. _

_ “What exactly happened?” Jin asked. _

_ “Get the information from the doctors.” retorted Kyoko. _

_ Jin sighed, pulled out his phone, and walked out. _

_ Kyoko walked back over to where Sayaka was, who had now been woken up for the second time. _

_ “Was that your dad?” _

_ Kyoko nodded and sat back down next to her. Sayaka put her chin on Kyoko’s shoulder and hugged her. _

_ “Is he gonna be okay?” She asked, glancing over to Makoto. _

_ Kyoko hugged Sayaka back, “Absolutely.” _


	7. blissful confusion

He isolated himself within the confines of his room. Usually, he would be out talking to whoever, but he just didn’t have the energy.  _ You need to go and do something, sulking won’t help _ .

“Sounds like something Kyoko would say.” He let out a small laugh.

He sighed, and rolled off his bed. He walked over and turned his lights on, which caused him some pain. However he stood in the middle of his room, thinking back on what Monokuma said.  _ Used to? What is that even supposed to mean...  _ Without spending too much time thinking about it, he went into his bathroom. It was still uncomfortable for to be in there, however. He looked at himself in the mirror and understood what Hina meant; his face was pale and light tear stains were visible. He splashed some water on his face, looked over to the shower, and frowned.  _ I said I would get you out… No. Stop thinking about her. She’s gone.  _ He walked out of the bathroom and towards the door. He exited and began to pace. He had nothing to do and wasn’t in the mood to talk to any of his classmates.

“What exactly are you doing?” Byakuya had exited his dorm.

“Uhh.. Just walking around I guess.” Makoto stopped and looked at him, “What are you doing?”

Byakuya narrowed his eyes, “Going to check on Kyoko. Monokuma informed me of new information.”

“Oh, what’d he say? Is Kyoko okay?” Makoto became nervous.

Byakuya didn’t answer the question and instead walked past Makoto, at a slightly fast pace. Makoto had the urge to follow, but he didn’t want to go against Kyoko’s wishes. However, he was growing increasingly concerned. He started to fidget with his hands and began to pace again. 10 painfully long minutes had passed until Byakuya re-entered the dorm hall. Makoto hurried over to him.

“Is she okay? What happened?”

“She’s fine,” Byakuya had a suspicious look on his face, “Are you okay?”

_ Huh? That’s… odd coming from him. _

“Yes? Why?”

“Intriguing,” Byakuya fixed his glasses, “Monokuma claimed you still had despair disease.”

“And you were that quick to believe him?” Makoto raised his voice.

Byakuya raised an eyebrow, and Makoto knew showing even a hint of aggression made him more suspicious. Makoto didn’t apologize however, he was more confused out of anything.

“Did.. Did Monokuma just come out of nowhere and tell you that?” Makoto queried.

“Yes, I was about to go check on Kyoko anyways, and he made that claim.”

_ Why would Monokuma lie? Do I really still have it?  _ Makoto became increasingly worried.

“However, I do think this is just a ploy to turn us against each other.” Byakuya started to walk towards his dorm again.

_ He’s probably right. Hopefully. _

\----------------------------------------------------

Kyoko was exhausted, she could barely sleep last night because of the pain. 

“May I go back to my room? I don’t understand the reason why I’m still here.” Kyoko asked Hina.

“I mean I can ask Byakuya? I’m just doing what he said.” Hina replied.

After Hina stopped talking, Byakuya opened the doors rather aggressively. The noise slightly shocked Kyoko, who had turned and faced the entrance.

“Speak of the devil.” Hina said.

“Good. He didn’t come.” Byakuya looked at the two girls.

“What do you mean?” Kyoko questioned, slightly worried.

Byakuya shut the door, “Monokuma told me Makoto still had despair disease.”

Kyoko’s eyes widened as her heart sank.

“He seemed mostly normal earlier,” Hina furrowed her brow, “Other than him just kinda looking out of it. He wasn’t acting weird.”

Kyoko couldn’t say anything, she was mildly fearful as she couldn’t even attempt to physically defend herself in her state.

Hina turned back and faced Kyoko, “Hey, it’s fine Monokuma's probably just messing around with us. I doubt he’s gonna try anything again.”

Kyoko looked at Hina and sighed.

“Byakuya, can I go back to my dorm?” She asked.

“In a while… Makoto is pacing the halls right now.” informed Byakuya.

“Can I at least remove some of the bandages? They’re quite bothersome.”

“One more day, then some of them can come off.”

Kyoko nodded and looked down at her hands as Byakuya stepped out of the med bay.

“Kyoko? This is kinda out of nowhere but...” Hina began, “What’s with the gloves?”

Kyoko shook her head, “Nothing of importance right now.”

Hina looked at her for another moment and looked down. There was a brief moment of silence between them.

“Hina?” Kyoko looked up.

Hina nodded, “Yeah?”

“Why do I still love Makoto?”

\----------------------------------------------------

_ Everything hurt. Especially his head. He heard beeping and murmuring surrounding him. Letting out a groan, he opened his eyes slightly. Shortly after, he heard footsteps coming closer to him. Opening his eyes more, he saw 4 people on both sides of him. On the right was Kyoko and Sayaka, and on the left, his parents. _

_ “Where..?” He was drowsy and couldn’t think properly. _

_ “You’re at the hospital.” Kyoko crouched down to be on eyelevel with him. _

_ He turned his head towards her. _

_ “How.. am I… here?” He weakly asked. _

_ Kyoko hesitated, “I’ll explain it later. I’m not the person you should be talking to right now.” _

_ Kyoko glanced up at the Naegi’s, who were standing on the opposite side of his bed. Makoto turned his head. _

_ “Makoto… why?” His mom had a distraught look on her face. _

_ He just stared, he was still barely grasping reality.  _

_ “I thought you were getting better,” His dad was noticeably becoming upset, “Makoto, you said you were getting better.” _

_ “I’m sorry sir but don’t talk to him like that.” Sayaka glared at him. _

_ “Question him later, he just woke up and is obviously disoriented.” Kyoko also shot him a warning glance. _

_ The man sighed and dropped his head. _

_ “I’m… sorry..” Makoto managed to speak. _

_ “It’s okay, you’re okay.” His mom cooed. _

_ Kyoko and Sayaka didn’t take their eyes off his dad, who obviously seemed hurt. It was understandable, his child just tried to take his own life, but anger was not the right response. Suddenly, he walked out of the room, his wife taking notice and following behind. Makoto honestly didn’t want his parents there, he didn’t want to deal with them right now. He turned his head towards Sayaka and Kyoko. He was becoming more aware with every passing second, and his brain fog began to clear. _

_ “I’m.. Alive?” _

_ Sayaka interlocked fingers with Kyoko in a tight grip, she was obviously hiding her emotions. Kyoko glanced over at Sayaka and frowned slightly. _

_ “Do you know what happened?” Kyoko asked. _

_ He thought for a second and began going through his memories. It was all mildly clouded, but he had a rough idea; however, he didn’t remember much. _

_ “I took… the pills… and passed out…” _

_ “Anything else you remember?” _

_ He nodded slightly, “The… tube and… you two with... me.” _

_ Sayaka somehow tightened her already strangling grip on Kyoko’s hand. Kyoko could tell she was about to break. There was a knock at the door, and a doctor walked in. _

_ “I’m terribly sorry to ask but the parents and I need to discuss some things with him.” He said. _

_ Kyoko was hesitant after the way his dad was acting, but she didn’t argue, and walked out with Sayaka. Makoto’s parents walked in and joined the doctor. Makoto grew nervous and slightly flustered. _

_ “Right now, I think the best course of action is to admit him to the inpatient psych ward after his treatment.” The doctor explained. _

_ He had heard stories from the psych ward. He couldn’t go, it would just make him feel even worse. _

_ Makoto widened his eyes and shook his head, “I… can’t. No… please..”  _

_ “Makoto, it’s going to be okay..” His mom tried to console. _

_ “No… I can’t… No it won’t happen again!” Makoto was starting to panic. _

_ “Makoto calm down.” His dad spoke. _

_ “No.. no.. no!” _

_ He began to hyperventilate as a new beeping sound started emitting from the monitor. _

_ “Please, I need you to calm down.” The doctor said. _

_ He couldn’t speak and was becoming lightheaded from hyperventilating. Kyoko and Sayaka had rushed back into the room and to his side. _

_ “Makoto.” Kyoko spoke in a soft voice, “Look at me, you’re okay. It’s all going to be okay. I promise. Just calm down for me.” _

_ Makoto wrapped his arms around Kyoko, and began to cry lightly. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew long flashback today, sorry abt that its just setting stuff up for future chapters  
> n e ways, thanks again for reading <333


	8. evershifting tides in the sea of fear

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry y'all have to like... keep track of like 2 plot lines at once. the flashbacks will end at some point so don't worry. also sorry for a slowish pace, i'm tryna work out the kinks as i go

He kept pacing the halls, he felt useless just sitting in his room and he needed something to do. He also was trying to distract himself from everything that had happened, to no avail. Not only was Kyoko taking up his mind, but also what Monokuma had said about him still having despair disease. Of course, he felt fine besides the concussion; but, the possibility still worried him. He stopped pacing, and stood there.  _ Am I really okay?  _ He thought for a moment. He began to walk down the hall, looking at every door and nameplate. He felt a sense of emptiness, knowing most of these rooms were empty and were never to be inhabited again. He stopped at Sayaka’s door. They were only truly friends for a few days, but it still hurt more than it probably should’ve. The more he thought about it, he mostly felt like that about all the others who had died. It made him uneasy, but he tried to shake it off and ignore it. He turned and faced the dorm hall exit, and began to walk towards it. He exited the dorm halls and turned to head towards the stairs. He didn’t know where exactly he was going, he just wanted to get out of the dorms. He slowed his pace as he walked past the entrance to the medbay, and stopped walking after passing it. He could hear Kyoko and Hina talking, but couldn’t make out anything. He wanted to see Kyoko, and he could have just walked in at that moment. He soon became lost in his thoughts.

“Makoto.”

He was startled by the sudden voice and quickly whipped himself around.

“Don’t scare me like that.” Makoto narrowed his eyes.

“What are you doing?” Byakuya was obviously suspicious of him.

“Nothing. I was going up to the second floor and just kinda zoned out,” he started, “I didn’t go in if that's what you’re thinking.”

“It doesn’t matter if you went in or not,” Byakuya crossed his arms, “You need to accept that she is fearful of you, and that in all likelihood, that will never change.”

Makoto gawked at Byakuya, he didn’t even know how to respond to that.

“You’re wrong.” Makoto broke the silence.

‘Hmph. You really can’t accept the truth, can you?”

“I don’t care how long it takes, but I don’t think she’d just never speak to me again.”

“Stop thinking with your emotions. You tried to kill her and she almost died.”

“I’ve already said that wasn’t me! I would never even  _ think _ about hurting her.”

Makoto noticed inside the medbay was silent.  _ Please don’t get involved, Hina. _

“Again, that’s irrelevant. The damage is already done.” Byakuya stepped back.

Makoto took notice of Byakuya creating distance between them, and it just increased his frustration.

“I don’t know why you’re stepping back. I’m not gonna do anything!”

“Really? This outburst of anger makes me believe otherwise.”

“That’s… That’s just false accusations at this point! You’re so difficult to deal with!”

The medbay doors swung open.

“Please, if you would stop yelling.”

Makoto was surprised to see Kyoko at the door, though her stance was awkward and she seemed unstable, mostly due to her holding her left leg off the ground. He was just looking at her, getting a closer look at the slightly blood stained dressings on her body. He was especially focused on the left side of her face, remembering that she was now blind in that eye. Kyoko glanced at Makoto and immediately shut the doors after doing so. Byakuya gave Makoto a look of “I told you so,” and Makoto started to walk back to his dorm

\-----------------------------------------------------

“What do you mean you still love him?” Hina said, confused.

“In all honesty, I’m..” Kyoko hesitated, she wasn’t good with emotions, “I’m extremely fearful of him currently. But I still feel the need to be close to him. I don’t understand why...”

“Kyoko, it’s okay to like someone, it’s also okay to be scared,” Hina consoled, “You just went through something traumatic, emotions are normal.”

“I don’t think feeling pity for your attacker is normal.” Kyoko looked at Hina.

“I don’t know… Right now let’s try not to focus on him, okay?” Hina smiled slightly, “Hell, let’s just not think about any of this right now. I’m curious about your life. Like, who was your first childhood crush or something stupid like that.”

She was confused by the change in subject, but Hina was most likely right that not thinking about it would be better right now.

“It’s all… blurry... but what I do remember is one of my old friends Yui.” Kyoko sighed, “I met her in middle school, so not that long ago, but she was one of the first people that I actually enjoyed being around.”

“Ooooo Kyoko has a crushhhh~” Hina taunted.

Kyoko frowned, she realized she could barely remember how they even met. In fact, she remembered little before arriving at Hope’s Peak. It was coming back little by little every day, but it was all still so vague.

“Kyoko I was joking. You didn’t need to get all serious.” Hina said.

“Oh. Sorry.”

“So did you actually like her?”

“Slightly, yes. However I viewed her more as an older sister… as much as she didn’t like that.”

“What does that mean?”

Kyoko tried to remember every detail about Yui, but was struggling to do so.

“Her younger sister had died, and Yui always told me that I wasn’t to be a replacement for her.”

“You said older sister, how old was she?”

“2 or 3 years, I can’t remember. She was in high school last time I saw her, however.”

“Wow that’s the most I’ve ever gotten out of you, I’m surprised.”

Kyoko didn’t answer, she heard a noise and swiveled her head towards the door. She instantly recognized voices outside as Byakuya and Makoto; and Makoto was essentially yelling. Kyoko had managed to get herself off the bed and began to limp towards the door. She opened the doors and saw the two of them, both looking frustrated.

“Please, if you would stop yelling.”

She glanced to her right, where Makoto was standing. He was staring, and they made eye contact for a brief second. She felt a rush of anxiety and promptly shut the doors, and started to make her way back to her bed.

“I could have gotten the door, ya’ know.” Hina crossed her arms.

As she sat back down, the pain returned and she winced slightly. However she ignored the pain as her anxiety increased. 

“Are you okay?” Hina asked.

Kyoko nodded slightly as her breathing became faster. She was staring at the ground, thinking back to the moment when Makoto was about to kill her.

“Kyoko, look at me. It’s okay. He’s not going to hurt you. No one is going to hurt you.” Hina comforted.

_ How much longer is this going to last? I don’t think I can handle it anymore. _

\----------------------------------------------------

_ “Sir, I’ve already explained that at his age, we legally cannot admit him if he doesn’t consent.” _

_ “No. I demand you send him there. He’s just going to attempt again if he gets released.” _

_ Makoto couldn’t take it anymore, everyone arguing was so overwhelming. His dad had been arguing with the doctor for a few minutes now. He was still hugging Kyoko, who was stroking his back in an attempt to calm him down. _

_ “Mr. Naegi, I apologize for the outburst but please, this isn’t helping the situation at all.” Sayaka spoke up with an aggressive tone. _

_ “Sayaka, please, stay out of this. He’s not your child.” _

_ Kyoko gave Sayaka a slight nudge, warning her not to provoke him even more. Sayaka glanced at Kyoko, then went back to glaring at Makoto’s dad. He and the doctor had started arguing again about sending Makoto to inpatient, and Makoto was obviously still distressed. _

_ “Pardon me, but could this discussion be taken elsewhere?” Kyoko asked in a calm voice. _

_ “Yes.. I believe that would be a good idea.” The doctor said as he motioned for the Naegis to exit. _

_ Soon, it was just Kyoko, Makoto, and Sayaka again. Makoto had begun to calm down, and leaned away from Kyoko. _

_ “I’m so sorry.” Makoto dropped his head. _

_ “You don’t need to apologize, it’s okay.” solaced Sayaka. _

_ “I can’t go to the psych ward. It’ll make everything worse.” _

_ Kyoko was hesitant, she knew inpatient didn’t work for everyone but she was scared he’d try something again. _

_ “You don’t have to.” Kyoko said. _

_ Makoto sighed and wiped his eyes. The room fell silent. After a few minutes, Makoto spoke up. _

_ “What… What even happened.” Makoto asked timidly. _

_ Kyoko and Sayaka exchanged worried glances.  _

_ “It’s okay. I need to know.” Makoto looked at them. _

_ Kyoko let out a sigh, “Well, I found Sayaka next to you in your dorm. I then called the paramedics, and we brought you to the ambulance, since the care at Hope’s Peak is not adequate to deal with overdoses. On the way there, you..” Kyoko paused, “You stopped breathing for a few minutes. They revived you, and they began to treat you in the ER. However, they… you were pronounced dead for a minute or two, but... somehow survived.” _

_ Makoto was shocked, he actually had almost died twice. A part of him was relieved that he had survived, but the other part still wished he was dead. _

_ “Are you okay? Was that too much?” Sayaka questioned anxiously. _

_ Makoto shook his head. _

_ “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry I put you two through that.” He apologized. _

_ “Makoto, stop apologizing.” said Kyoko. _

_ Suddenly, his parents walked back in. Makoto’s slightly calmer state had disappeared the moment they entered. _

_ “We’re sorry, Makoto.” his Mom looked at him with sad eyes. _

_ Makoto didn’t respond. _

_ His dad sighed, “Makoto, we think it’s best you go to the psych ward.” _

_ “I already said no.” Makoto answered firmly. _

_ “Makoto…” His dad was attempting to stay calm, “We can’t just let you go after this.” _

_ Kyoko and Sayaka were carefully watching the man, to make sure he didn’t upset Makoto again. His dad glanced at the girls, who both looked like they would attack him if he said something wrong. _

_ “We’ll discuss this later. Your sister won’t stop calling us.” His dad said to Makoto. _

_ His parents walked out, and Makoto let out a sigh. _

_ “Please. Don’t make me go. I can’t spend that much time without all of you.” _

_ “We’re not... just please promise us one thing,” Kyoko gave him a soft look, “You’ll talk to us if you feel like that again.” _

_ Makoto stayed silent for a moment. _

_ “I promise.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i felt the need to add atleast a mention of yui because i love her too much. also sorry for sometimes breaking canon with the chaacters personalities, i try to keep it as close to canon, but sometimes its kinda difficult ;w;  
> as always, thanks for reading <3333


	9. with your eyes closed, close your eyes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok kinda light but kinda not chapter for today uhh sorry for being sometimes inconstant with my update schduele i just finished my homework a while ago and have been writing this chapter for a hot second tonight its currently 2:30 am

Hours had passed, and all he had done was sit in his dorm, sulking. He refused to accept that Kyoko despised him; however, there was a part of him that thought it was selfish to not acknowledge it. He had to resist those thoughts, he couldn’t fall back into old habits. Rubbing his eyes, he stood up and looked at the clock.  _ 5? God these days drag without any trials. _

“I guess that’s a good thing though.” He murmured.

He was standing there, staring at the floor. He desperately needed to stop thinking about her, the guilt was becoming extremely overwhelming.  _ Stop stop stop stop stop. It wasn’t you. It wasn’t you. It was you. You did it. Shut up shut up shut up. _

“Shut up!” He exclaimed.

He clenched his fists.

“Monokuma!” Makoto yelled.

“The hell you want?” Monokuma asked.

“Why me? You had the others to choose from… so why me?”

“Uhh cus it’s fun to watch  _ you _ hurt the others, is that too much to ask?”

“That’s… what? There’s nothing special about me, so why would it be interesting to you.”

“Wow you really are that fuckin’ stupid huh? Anyways, I know you had fun cuttin’ Miss Kirigiri up, didn’t you?”

Makoto became infuriated.

“No! God no! It was terrible!”

“Agh whatever, go cry about it or something.”

Just as fast as he appeared, Monokuma left. Makoto was left alone with his thoughts once again. Intense emotions were flooding his thoughts, and he was near his breaking point. He looked down at his arms for a few seconds before snapping his head back up.  _ Stop.  _ Around 10 minutes had passed, and he managed to calm down slightly. He sighed, and left his dorm. He passed the dining hall, and hesitated. He began to walk in the doors before pausing, shaking his head, and walking out of the dorm hall. He was heading towards the second floor stairs, just so he could walk around and occupy himself for at least a short period of time. As he approached the medbay, he saw Hina walking out. 

“O-Oh. Hey Makoto.” Hina said in a noticeably more monotone voice.

“What are you doing?” Makoto asked.

“Uhm… just getting painkillers for Kyoko, why?”

“She’s not in there anymore?”

“No. She’s back at her dorm.”

“W-When you see her can you tell her I’m sorry? I.. I really didn’t mean to argue right outside earlier.”

Hina nodded, and quickly made her way past Makoto and out of his sight.  _ Huh?  _ Makoto noticed her odd behavior, but chose to ignore it, chalking it up to stress. As he made his way to the second floor, he began to pace… again. This time, however, he wasn’t thinking about Kyoko as much, it was more introspection than anything. After some time, he began to feel fatigued. He glanced at a clock, which read 7:53.  _ I’ve been doing this for almost 3 hours? _ Suddenly, he heard footsteps coming up the stairs. He then saw Byakuya, who began to walk towards him.

“Don’t disappear like that while this is still happening.”

“Huh? W-what does that even mean?”

“You’re not clear of all suspicion. There’s a chance you may still try to kill.”

Makoto didn’t want to argue about this again.

“So what? Am I just not allowed to go anywhere?”

“I will allow you to go out, as long as you tell me exactly where you’re going.”

“Byakuya what the hell! No. I’m not doing that.”

“Then you’ll never be relieved of suspicion.”

He had no choice to agree, the others thinking that he was still blood thirsty was horrible.

“Fine.” Makoto muttered.

“Good.” Byakuya said as he started to walk off.

Makoto stood at the top of the stairs for a moment before walking down. As he was walking back to his dorm, he found himself questioning Hina’s behavior earlier.  _ Did Byakuya tell her something? Did he tell Kyoko something?  _ His thoughts were racing through his mind and he began to zone out; however, he soon found himself standing in front of his door. After shutting the door, he began to walk towards his desk drawer. Opening it, he saw the knife given to him by the others. He stared at it, contemplating. He reached out for it, slightly shakily, and gripped the handle. He inspected it as he lifted it, almost entranced by the gleaming blade. His hands began to shake more, and he felt his anxiety rising. Soon, he froze and quickly dropped the blade back in the drawer and slammed it closed.

“Not now.”

\----------------------------------------------------

Byakuya had stepped in, and looked at Kyoko.

“I assume he’s heading back to his dorm.” He said.

Kyoko nodded, her breathing still irregular.

“Why were you two arguing?” Kyoko asked.

“He still believes you don’t dislike him.” Byakuya replied.

Kyoko didn’t say anything back, and just turned her head.

“Heyyyyyyy bitches!!” Monokuma had appeared out of nowhere.

“What is it now.” Hina rolled her eyes.

“OH! Oh yeah! Kyoko you might wanna watch your ass, Makoto's still on the prowl.” Monokuma laughed.

Kyoko froze. The room went silent.

“That.. That doesn’t seem likely, though.” Kyoko stated.

“Huh? Nope! 100% truth, he still has it.”

“No, that’s a lie. From what I’ve seen, he’s genuinely remorseful.”

“Just cus he’s lucid doesn’t mean he ain’t still got it!”

Kyoko narrowed her eyes. This all seemed highly odd to her.

“Leave please.” Hina interjected.

“Ugh fine. Y’all bastards better believe me though. You’re outta luck if you don’t.”

Kyoko was left mildly shaken after Monokuma had disappeared.

“I am going to check if Makoto is still out.” Byakuya stepped out and left.

Hina looked at Kyoko.

“It’s okay, Monokuma is lying. Nothing is gonna happen to either of you.” Hina spoke softly

“I understand, however it’s just… concerning.”

“No I totally get that but Monokuma just wants us to not trust each other, right? So like… Ya’ know?”

Kyoko nodded, “Yes, I do agree. Although, it still doesn’t make too much sense.”

“What doesn’t make sense?”

“This entire motive. It’s so unlike the others, it’s puzzling. Let me pose a question: Why did Makoto only go after me?”

“I don’t know… It’s not like this got explained to us.”

“I believe it’s most likely based on trust. That is, he’ll go after us based on his trust in us, at least in the second stage. The first stage seemed more erratic and randomized, he just felt the need to kill.”

“I guess that makes sense.”

“Moreover, why would they make him violent in front of everyone else? It’s as if someone wants him gone.”

“Kyoko you might be reading between the lines a little bit too much.”

Kyoko placed her hand on her chin, “Understand it’s a working theory; however, it’s more than likely to at least be partially correct.”

“If you say so… but I don’t think it’s too good to stress over it right now.”

Kyoko didn’t respond, instead started becoming lost in her thoughts. The door opened and Byakuya stepped in once again.

“I convinced him to stay in his dorm for now.” Byakuya had informed them.

Kyoko nodded, and stood up in a slightly attenuated manner.

“Do you just want me to carry you? I honestly don’t mind.” Hina offered.

Kyoko shook her head, “I can walk myself.”

“You should swallow your pride, Kyoko. It’s extremely detrimental to your healing when you walk without some kind of support.” explained Byakuya.

Kyoko sighed, “I can walk.”

“Nope.” Hina said as she lifted Kyoko up carefully.

Kyoko stiffened, and was taken off guard. Byakuya walked out, as he knew Hina could handle it on her own.

“Oh relax, I’m not hurting you am I?” Hina asked.

Kyoko shook her head, still slightly shocked. After getting affirmation, Hina carried Kyoko back to her dorm, and let Kyoko down in the middle of her room. Kyoko unsteadily walked over to her bed and sat.

“That was an… unpleasant experience.” expressed Kyoko.

“Oh you know you liked it.” Hina taunted with a grin on her face.

Kyoko looked up, “You and Makoto are curious.”

“How so?”

“Even in a situation like this, both of you manage to stay relatively happy.”

Hina shrugged, “I just guess some people are just like that.”

Kyoko let out a small yawn.

“You can sleep if you need to.” Hina said.

Kyoko nodded and laid down, falling asleep rather quickly even with the pain.

-

_ “Makoto please, don’t do this.” _

_ She was pinned down, blood dripping on her. He didn’t say anything, he just stared at her with a crazed look on his face. _

_ “Makoto. You’re still in there. I know you are.” _

_ “Nope! He’s gone. He’s gone forever, Miss Kirigiri. Just like you will be!” _

_ She felt panic set in as Makoto raised the knife directly above her chest. _

_ “One more thing, my dear. I love you~” _

_ Makoto drove the knife into her chest. _

_ - _

Kyoko jerked awake, and felt extreme pain. There was more stinging in her right arm than usual, and she looked down. 

“Oh god Kyoko, I’ll get Byakuya.” Hina said.

Kyoko had forgotten Hina was there. She felt warm blood pooling in the bandages.

“No need. However, the oxycodone would be much appreciated.” She shook her head.

In reality, it was most likely just a few of the cuts that had opened, but the stinging sensation from the sutures being ripped open and the other aches and pains from her injuries was getting to be overwhelming. Hina nodded and exited Kyoko’s room. After the door had closed, she bit her tongue to prevent herself from crying out. Her pain was intense, especially in her abdomen due to her jerking awake. She groaned and slowly laid back down, and began to think over her dream.

“Are you really still in there, Makoto?”

\----------------------------------------------------

_ He had been in the hospital for about 2 days now. Kyoko and Sayaka had refused to leave, however his parents had only visited once after the argument. He didn’t mind it, he hated his family knowing.  _ I hope they don’t tell Komaru…  _ He sighed and looked at the two girls, both of whom were asleep in the window nook, Sayaka with her head on Kyoko’s chest. It was 3 am, and he couldn’t sleep, especially with nurses coming in and out taking his blood and what not. However, being left alone with his thoughts for more than a few hours at a time was debilitating. He had wished someone would talk to him during the night hours, but the only people who would were exhausted. At some point, Makoto had drifted off into a light sleep, until he was woken up by Kyoko. _

_ “Why are you awake?” Makoto rubbed his eyes. _

_ “First and foremost, my father wants to speak with us.” Kyoko said, pointing to the door. _

_ “What time is it?” _

_ “7 am.” _

_ “O-okay just… tell him to come in.” _

_ Kyoko sighed and opened the door, Jin walking in as she did so. Makoto glanced over at Sayaka, who had woken up at this point and was walking over to his bed. _

_ “Good morning. I came to speak today regarding the incident.” Jin spoke. _

_ “O-oh. Uhm, w-what about it?” Makoto asked nervously. _

_ “First, about your other classmates, they have been asking constantly where you three are.” _

_ “Could.. Could you not tell them right now?” _

_ “Of course. Second, regarding the media. It’s very possible this could get out, and we cannot have that image for Hope’s Peak. So, I’d advise you to refrain from speaking with any media outlet.” _

_ Makoto could tell Kyoko was frustrated, but of course she wouldn’t say anything too out of turn. _

_ “Ahem. May I speak with you outside?” Kyoko was glaring at her father. _

_ “Yes?” _

_ They both walked out of the room. _

_ “The “Image of Hope’s Peak”? How insensitive can you be? Truly, you must understand he almost died.” Kyoko rebuked. _

_ “Kyoko, I understand your frustration, but I do have a school to run.”  _

_ “You could, at the very least, pretend you care about him, one of  _ your _ students.” _

_ “You have really taken a liking to him, haven’t you?” _

_ “That’s not the subject matter. Are you done talking to him?” _

_ “Kyoko, please calm down.” _

_ “Are you done talking to him?” Kyoko restated her previous question. _

_ Jin nodded, “For now, yes. However, if more issues become prevalent, I may have to come back.” _

_ Kyoko turned, and walked back into the room. She saw Makoto and Sayaka talking, Makoto with a small smile on his face. Seeing him a even a little bit happy, made her more at ease. _

_ “Did your dad leave?” Sayaka looked up at her. _

_ Kyoko nodded. Kyoko and Sayaka sat back down at the window nook. _

_ “Are you two like... dating or something?” Makoto asked, half joking, half curious. _

_ Sayaka became flustered and shook her head. _

_ “You do realize girls can like... cuddle and stuff without dating right?” Sayaka looked at him. _

_ “No I know, you two just seem really close is all.” He smiled. _

_ “But I do have it out for your sister, Makoto.” Sayaka giggled. _

_ “Oh Komaru would love nothing more than to be dating the Sayaka Maizono.” _

_ Kyoko watching Makoto slowly return to his happy self that she had come to love had made her delighted. However, now knowing his “normal” self wasn’t a representation of him, it concerned her slightly. She ignored her worry about Makoto for the moment, and just enjoyed him being, well, Makoto. _

_ “What about you, Kyoko?” Makoto asked. _

_ “Hm? What about me?” _

_ “Who do you like?” _

You. You cute bastard.

_ “Ah. No one, currently.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welp uhh hope yall enjoyed todays chapter (i've been WAITING to write that hina carrying kyoko scene). i still have no idea how long this will be but i do have the ending planned out and perfected and its, imo, kinda sorta maybe emotional  
> thanks for reading <3333


	10. in the wink of an evil fate

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!TW SELF HARM!!!  
> ahh sorry for being late on posting ive been super busy ;w;

The ticking of the clock was the lone sound in the room. He had been in his dorm, silent and alone with his mind, for hours. He felt as if he was drowning, and every time he tried to get air, his emotions pulled him back down. But somehow, he also felt emotionally numb and detached. Nothing felt right anymore. He slowly turned his head to the clock, which read 2:17 am. He then turned his head towards his drawer, and locked his eyes on it. He knew what was in there, and had an urge to grab it. He resisted it, for the moment, and instead stood up and walked out. Stepping out, he glanced at Byakuya’s door across the hall. He recalled the conversation they had earlier, however decided he was most likely asleep, and there was no point in telling him. He stopped in front of Kyoko’s door. He reached his hand up and almost knocked without thinking, but stopped himself. He sighed, and began to walk around the school. The silence of the school was deafening, and it had unnerved him immensely. He was fidgeting with his hands as he walked, examining the outside of each room that had something to do with a murder. To him, this all felt like a bad dream, everything that had happened seemed so unrealistic. However, it was all real, he was living through it, experiencing every bit of pain and suffering. He walked in every hall of every floor, until he made his way back to his door.

He was only gone for around an hour, and didn’t feel any better. As a matter of fact, he felt worse. Walking back into his room, he immediately headed towards the desk drawer and gripped the handle.  _ Stop. _ He was contemplating, however he opened the drawer and lifted the knife up from inside. After placing the knife on the desk, he took his jacket off and rolled up the sleeve of his hoodie. As he did so, a multitude of scars were revealed, varying in lengths and direction. He sighed shakily and picked up the knife again, gripping it tightly. He placed the tip of the knife near the base of his thumb, hesitated, then sliced across his arm diagonally. He gritted his teeth, but continued making multiple cuts across his forearm, each cut progressively getting deeper. Soon enough, his arm was covered in blood as he began to tear up slightly. He went into the bathroom, and placed his arm under running water, which stung the cuts. As the blood washed off, he began to feel horrible.

“It’s been years.. I told Komaru, I promised.”

_ She’s probably dead anyways _ . Makoto slowly looked up at himself in the mirror.

“What is wrong with you?”

Tears began to stream down his face. He lifted the knife, which was still in his hand, and began to repeatedly thrust the knife into the mirror, breaking it after about 4 hits. He leaned back and slid down the wall and cried. At some point, he fell asleep, and woke up due to a knock on his door. He rubbed his head, pulled his sleeve back down, and walked out of the bathroom to the door, leaving the knife on the floor. As he reached for the knob, whoever was out there knocked again, and it made him slightly annoyed.

“What.” He said as he opened the door.

“I told you not to go out without telling me.” Byakuya hissed.

“Huh? Oh... I didn’t want to wake you up,” Makoto started, “I just wandered around the school, I wasn’t doing anything.”

“That doesn’t matter. You directly went against my order.”

“What? I’m not your pet! I’m not gonna do anything!”

“I highly doubt that,” Byakuya scoffed, “If you go out one more time without permission, Kyoko will never trust you again, and neither will I.”

He had to agree, the thought of Kyoko never trusting him again added even more guilt upon him.

He glared at Byakuya, “Fine.”

“Good.” He walked out and shut the door.

Makoto walked over to the pill bottle on the ground, picked it up, and walked to the bathroom. He placed the bottle down on the edge of the sink and looked at the shattered mirror.

“Kyoko… please… I need you.”

There was a knock at his door once more. He groaned and proceeded to head to his door. He opened it, with an unamused expression on his face. Hina was standing a few paces back from Makoto.

“Uhm.. Kyoko wants to see you.”

_ What? _

“She… really?” Makoto was confused.

Hina nodded, “Yeah… I don’t know either.”

\----------------------------------------------------

The morning announcement woke Kyoko up, and heard her doorbell go off a moment later. Kyoko got up, reluctantly due to the pain, and limped over to the door. She unlocked and opened it, and Byakuya walked in with no hesitation and shut the door.

“The dressings on your abdomen and arms can be removed, I will also need to gauge how healed your eye is.” Byakuya said.

Kyoko sighed and limped to her desk chair and sat down.

“Is there a reason for the blood on your right arm?” Byakuya asked.

“It happened in the evening yesterday.” Kyoko replied.

Byakuya began to unwrap both of Kyoko’s arms, revealing multiple cuts on each arm, some sutured, most not. Her right arm had about 5 cuts that had reopened last night near the outside of her shoulder, but Byakuya didn’t complain about it, and left them as is. Kyoko began to take off the dressings on her abdomen herself. A long slice ran across her stomach, dried blood surrounding it.

“I need to examine your eye.” Byakuya told Kyoko.

Kyoko turned and looked at Byakuya, and he began to unwrap the bandages covering her eye. Her left cornea was now almost completely white with a light violet undertone. There was a cut running down from her top eyelid to her jaw. He could still see exactly where the cornea was sliced.

“Is there any pain from the light?”

Kyoko shook her head.

“I believe we can leave this off for now, unless you would like to keep it on.”

“Leave it off, please.”

Byakuya nodded, “The dressings on your leg will stay on for another day, as that wound was extremely deep.” 

The door opened, and Hina walked in.

“Are you okay?” inquired Hina.

“I’m fine. Did you need something?” Kyoko turned her head slightly.

“Yeah… I was just checking up because… uhm…” Hina was tentative.

“Out with it.” ordered Byakuya.

“So like… I couldn’t sleep last night so I went out to kinda just wander and I saw Makoto leaving the dorm hall…” Hina paused, “I was just worried… I mean of course he wouldn’t do anything but…”

Byakuya didn’t say anything, and instead walked out, presumably heading to find Makoto. Kyoko was attempting to figure out why Makoto was out with what limited information she had.

“What time did you see him?” Kyoko asked, still trying to work out his intentions.

“Oh uh I think it was like.. 2:30 maybe? I didn’t see him come back though, but I went to sleep like 30 minutes later so.” Hina responded.

Kyoko still couldn’t figure out what he was doing, it made her worry.

“I think it’s okay though, he probably wasn’t doing anything.” Hina shrugged.

Something about this didn’t feel right to her. She wanted to ask Makoto and see if he was actually okay, but her fear was preventing her. However, she attempted to ignore her fear.

“Hina, could you please get Makoto in here?” Kyoko requested.

Hina widened her eyes, “Are you sure that’s a good idea? I mean… I’m just still kinda... suspicious after what Monokuma said.”

Kyoko shook her head, “Please, I would like to speak to him. I have you if he tries to attack.”

“That’s… not too reassuring saying that you’d use me as a shield but okay…”

As Hina exited the room, Kyoko looked down at her arms.

“Why would he waste so much energy with these cuts?” Kyoko let her question hang in the air.

She began to question Makoto’s motives, scrutinizing every one of his actions from the attack. Her thoughts were interrupted, however, by Hina walking in with Makoto following behind her. Kyoko felt a shiver run down her spine, and her anxiety spiked. Makoto had stayed a decent distance away, with a look of concern and anxiety in his eyes. Honestly, she hadn’t a clue why she asked Makoto to come, she just asked essentially out of impulse. She saw Makoto mumble something to himself as he looked at Kyoko.

“Makoto, I’m fine. However, are you okay?” She asked with little emotion.

“I-I… I’m..” He was struggling to speak.

She raised an eyebrow at him, “I assume you’re not?”

A look of fear and sadness flashed across his face, “Kyoko I’m sorry… god I’m so sorry.”

“Why did you make these cuts on my arms?” Kyoko asked not out of anger, but of curiosity.

Makoto began to tremble slightly, “I don’t know… I-I don’t remember anything.”

“Surely you must have some type of clue?”

“N-no… I d-don’t know.”

Makoto was clearly extremely anxious at this point.

“Makoto, look at me. I’m not trying to come after you,” She looked him dead in the eyes, “I know… I know it wasn’t you. I just would like to know why.”

Kyoko noticed he began to well up with tears, and was obviously attempting to not cry. She motioned for Hina to leave, who hesitated until Kyoko motioned again.

“Makoto. It’s just you and me right now. Please tell me why.” Kyoko inquired.

Kyoko was quite fearful, in all honesty. She didn’t particularly like being alone with Makoto, as she didn’t fully trust him anymore.

“K-kyoko… I don’t know. I really don’t.” He began to fidget.

“I have a feeling you do,” Kyoko began, “I assume it was you unconsciously projecting your troubles upon me. There was a reason you didn’t outright kill me, which you could have very easily done in that position. So, let me ask again, are you truly okay?”

Kyoko, naturally, felt concerned for Makoto, she still somehow didn’t loathe him. Makoto gave a small shake of his head.

“I’m so sorry…” He said, as he turned and left her room.

\----------------------------------------------------

_ Makoto was discharged from the hospital earlier that morning, and everything felt off. He lied about why him, Kyoko, and Sayaka were all in the hospital for almost a week, telling his classmates he was just sick. They never questioned him further, but were suspicious. He was sitting in his dorm alone, until Kyoko walked in. _

_ “Stop leaving your door unlocked.” She told him, walking up towards where he was sitting. _

_ “Noted.” He replied. _

_ “Are you okay?” _

_ “Yes? Why wouldn’t I be?” _

_ “You’re terrible at lying.” _

_ “You don’t have to worry too much about me, ya’know.” _

_ “As much as you dislike it, yes, I do.” _

_ “Kyoko… I said I would tell you if something was wrong, didn’t I?” _

_ Kyoko sat on his bed next to him. _

_ “Liars are said to make the best promises.” She looked at him, “I can’t lose you, Makoto.” _

_ “What I did was stupid, I know. I’m not gonna try anything again.” He frowned. _

_ “It wasn’t stupid, you were just looking for a way out.” _

_ Makoto sighed and looked down. He suddenly felt a cold sensation on his hand, and noticed Kyoko had placed her hand on his. _

_ “Makoto, I need you to trust me.” _

_ “I do?” _

_ “No, you clearly didn’t trust me enough to even tell me that you were struggling.” _

_ “I didn’t want to be a burden...” _

_ “You’re not, and never will be, a burden on anyone. I care about you, Makoto, and nothing will stop that.” _

_ “Kyoko.... I-” He stopped. _

_ He wrapped his arms around Kyoko. _

_ “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” _

_ “Stop apologizing, it’s okay.” _

_ “Kyoko?” _

_ “Yes?” _

_ “Can you promise me one thing?” _

_ “Of course.” _

_ “Don’t leave me, okay?” _

_ “I would never even consider it.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha... piecrusts and promises were meant to be broken <3


	11. borderline of the mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!TW CUTS!!!  
> aaaa sorry for not posting i just got really busy all of the sudden <333

Seeing her healing wounds only increased his guilt, as he now saw every little thing he had done to her. He was lying when Kyoko asked about her arms, it was easy enough to infer, and she was right.  _ I really hate myself that much, huh? _ He ran a hand through his hair, and looked over to the knife lying on the bathroom floor, surrounded by shattered glass. There was dried blood on the edge of the knife, and blood staining his sink. Seeing that scene reminded him of Sayaka, which had unnerved him immensely.

“I should be dead, not her.” His voice trembled slightly.

“No you shouldn’t.”

Makoto shot his head up towards where the voice was coming from, and saw Kyoko leaning on his doorframe. He was surprised by her appearance in his room, and even more so as she began to hobble over to him.

“Kyoko? I- why are you…?” He asked.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, I still don’t trust you,” She stated, “I am simply concerned over your wellbeing.”

“M-my wellbeing?” He took a step back as she came closer.

“I’ve gotten a decent sense of your personality in the few weeks I’ve known you; and this is not normal for you.”

“W-well of course it’s not… I mean I just…”

“No, it’s quite easy to tell guilt from hopelessness. I would expect you to be overwhelmingly guilty, not hopeless.”

“You really think I don’t feel guilty? Kyoko I-” He reached for his arm.

Stopping himself, however, he just gave Kyoko a look of sorrow.

“That confirms my theory. Your outbursts, your mannerisms,” She looked at him, “Makoto, if I may see your arms?”

Makoto’s stomach dropped and his eyes widened. He had been in this exact position before, he knew it, however he couldn’t place it within his memories. With his parents, he didn’t feel much of anything, this feeling was so familiar yet so unrecognizable. He didn’t give much resistance, however. He pulled his both of his sleeves up, revealing an abundance of scars, along with his recent ones from the prior night. Kyoko gave a quiet gasp.

“The ones on your left wrist… you did these recently.” Kyoko said softly.

“It’s… no.. This is nothing compared to what I did to you.” 

“My injuries are of no concern, at the moment. I am alive. It may not seem like it currently, however, I can’t lose you.”

He had definitely felt déjà vu at this point, it was off putting.

“No… no. Stop worrying about me, please. Why do you still care? I was going to…” He trailed off.

“I’ll be fine. It wasn’t you, I know that. You’re not entirely culpable for your actions. I don’t wish to distrust you, Makoto.”

He averted his eyes from her, with his gaze focusing upon the knife on the bathroom floor. He felt a minor urge to grab it. An image of Kyoko’s blooded body flashed in his mind, accompanied by a small rush of adrenaline.  _ Stop stop stop stop stop stop stop stop. _

“Makoto?” Kyoko looked to where he was looking.

Makoto looked back up at Kyoko, who was now frozen and looked fearful.

“Can... can I be left alone?” He asked.

Kyoko nodded and, as hurriedly as she could, left his room. He rolled his sleeves back down. He had a mix of emotions, and truly didn’t know how to feel. After some time, he just became numb.

“I don’t have it. I’m not going to do it again.”

Somehow, he felt that was a lie. He had a little belief in himself, though. He thought back to the look on Kyoko’s face; he despised it, but the smallest part of him felt enjoyment. He ignored that part of him, however, and just focused on Kyoko.  _ She was getting closer to me… I just ruined it.  _ His emotional numbness had been overcome by anger and guilt.

“Makoto what did you do to her?” A voice spoke.

He looked up, and Hina was standing in his room, glaring.

“N-nothing!” He exclaimed.

“Well it was obviously something.”

“Can I please just be left alone? For like 10 minutes, that’s all I’m asking.”

“Sorry but no. Just tell me what you did and I’ll leave.”

“I didn’t do anything to her!”

Hina opened her mouth to retort, however she was interrupted by Byakuya.

“Leave him.” Byakuya scolded.

Hina narrowed her eyes at Makoto, then left, shutting the door behind her.

He felt absolutely horrible at this point, he hated everyone being suspicious of him. Moreover, he still felt physically ill due to his concussion. Nonetheless, he didn’t care, he felt deserving of the pain, to him it was some type of retribution. His thoughts and emotions were in disarray, and it caused him great distress. He glanced over to the bloody scene in the bathroom, and closed the door. He now felt a need to apologize to Kyoko once again, but didn’t dare leave his room. Byakuya using his guilt to threaten him was the only thing preventing him from leaving. That fear of suspicion somehow gave him a bit of reassurance that everything would turn out relatively okay. He believed as long as he did what Byakuya said, the others would trust him once again.

\----------------------------------------------------

_ They had been talking for almost 2 hours. At some point, the topic changed and now Kyoko was essentially interrogating Makoto. Of course, she meant no harm, it was out of pure concern. _

_ “Makoto, truthfully, I did notice you had become more irritable,” Kyoko sighed, “That should have been when I asked you. If you would, may I see your arms?” _ _  
_ _ Makoto was hesitant, however he trusted Kyoko. Slightly reluctantly, he pulled up his sleeves.  _

_ “Makoto…” She was examining every cut, “Some of these are only a few days old.” _

_ “I-I’m sorry…” _

_ “Please, stop apologizing.” _

_ Makoto dropped his head as Kyoko began to lightly trace every scar. _

_ “Makoto.” _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “I-I don’t know… I guess the pills just weren’t working… and I still feel so useless compared to all of you.” _

_ “Makoto, you’re nowhere near useless. Our class, this school… Everything would be worse without you.” _

_ Makoto stayed silent. _

_ “Remember when you asked me if I liked anyone?” Kyoko looked at him. _

_ He nodded. Kyoko was becoming hesitant,  _ Don’t do this. Don’t. Remember what you were taught. _ She sighed. _

_ “Makoto, it’s you.” _

_ Makoto became flustered, and smiled.  _ She...? Oh my god.

_ “Aww Kyoko likes me~” He taunted. _

_ “And he’s back at full throttle.” _

_ “Well.. ya’know…” He started while rolling his sleeves down, “Ever since we met, I just kinda felt drawn to you. But I just assumed you and Sayaka were dating so I kinda stopped going after you.” _

_ “We were dating for about a month, but we decided it’d be better for us just to remain friends,” She looked down at her hands, “You, however, I can’t get over you. You’re an enigma, Makoto Naegi, I haven’t felt this way about someone in years.” _

_ His smile began to fade, “That’s why you’re so worried about me, right?” _

_ She nodded, “I… I love you Makoto. I can’t lose you.” _

_ “Kyoko, I could never leave you.” _

_ \---------------------------------------------------- _

She stepped back into her room, and was met with Hina starting with a concerned look.

“God now what did he do.” Hina quickly made her way towards Makoto’s room.

Kyoko wanted to stop her, but Hina could be quite stubborn and protective, it would simply be no use. She came back only a few minutes later, and was obviously irritated.

“I must ask you to not be too aggressive with him… His mental state is very fragile.” urged Kyoko.

“What happened then?” Hina asked.

“Nothing. However you must listen to me when I say don’t be overtly aggressive towards him.”

“Fine. Just… Just be careful around him, okay?”

Kyoko sighed and sat down at her desk.

“Kyoko are you okay? I mean you seem to be worrying about him more than yourself.” She asked.

“Yes, I am fine. I worry about him because, to reiterate, his mental state seems to be deteriorating.”

“You are correct again Miss Kirigiri!” Monokuma had barged into the conversation, “Makoto is over there wallowing away in his guilt, whooooo knows what’ll happen? Oh wait! I do!”

“What do you mean? Humans are unpredictable, it’s impossible to have any idea of what will happen.” Kyoko narrowed her eyes.

“Ohhhh it’s like two roads leading to the same place. One way or another… I hope it’s the one I want because that one seems so much more fun to watch.”

Kyoko’s curiosity was piqued by Monokuma’s vague statements.

“What is the outcome?” She turned her head slightly.

“Can’t tell ya, it’ll ruin the surprise!”

“Then why tell us?”

“To keep you on the edge of your seat ya dumbass.” Monokuma laughed as he disappeared.

“Uhm.. that’s mildly concerning.” Hina chupsed.

Kyoko shook her head, “I don’t trust anything he says anymore.” 

“But-”

“I have some faith in Makoto.”

“I mean it’s just what if he really still does have it? I can’t let you die Kyoko.”

“I won’t die. Not in this school.”

She needed to talk to him again.

“What exactly did you accuse him of?” Kyoko put in.

“I just asked him what he did… I just thought he tried to like, come after you again or something.” Hina responded.

“I don’t believe he would do that. Again, Monokuma is most likely lying about him.”

“I know it’s just… I don’t know... I just don’t think I can handle another trial.”

“There won’t be another trial. I can promise you that.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all have NO clue how excited i am to write the rest of this and especially the ending oh my god


	12. a meaningless call into silence

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so sorry for being late on posting :(

_ It was freezing, how long had he been out here? Snow was sticking to his hair and clothes. He looked down, seeing the flashing lights of police cars hundreds of feet below him. _

_ “You should do it. It’s your fault anyways.” _

_ He looked behind him. Sayaka and Kyoko were standing a few paces away from him. _

_ “Please, I’m sorry! I’m sorry! I never wanted this, both of you never deserved this!” _

_ “It’s far too late for an apology, Makoto.” _

_ The girls began to walk towards him, he stepped back and felt no ground beneath his foot. Soon, air was rushing around him, as he looked up to see Kyoko and Sayaka watching him fall. He closed his eyes and prepared for the impact. _

_ - _

Jerking awake, he gasped.  _ What was that? _ His heart was racing. He had fallen asleep a few hours ago, as he had nothing else to do. The clock read 1 pm, and he groaned. Standing up, he swayed slightly, he felt horrible. As he steadied himself, there was a knock at the door.  _ If that’s Byakuya-I swear to god.  _ He started towards the door, and opened it. Much to his surprise, Kyoko was once again standing at his door, and walked in with little hesitation.

“I’m so sorry about earlier…” He said.

Kyoko remained silent for a moment.  _ What is she- _

“Stop apologizing.” She spoke, as she began to walk past him and towards his bathroom.

“Kyoko-” Makoto couldn’t stop her, she had already opened the door.

She let a sigh escape her lips, and began to examine the shattered glass, knife, and blood. Makoto watched as she inspected every inch of that scene, it made him extremely uncomfortable. He did notice, however, Kyoko was struggling to stay balanced, and was putting most of her weight on her left side.

“K-kyoko is it a good idea for you to be walking around?” 

“I am perfectly fine to do so.” She didn’t look at him, and continued to scrutinize every bit of glass and blood.

Makoto watched, rather ill at ease. Kyoko placed her hand over the knife, hesitated, and picked it up.

“I am taking this.” She announced.

“I-” He knew there was no point in arguing with her stern personality, “O-okay.”

She looked up at him, “You mustn't blame yourself for Sayaka's death.”

“How did you-”

Kyoko cut him off, “I wouldn’t expect you to even enter this bathroom, much less make a mess of it. It’s quite obvious you still blame yourself.”

“I promised her, though. I-I said I would do anything…”

“Makoto, it’s survivor’s guilt. I understand that, I’m not attempting to ridicule you,” She shook her head, “But, if I may be the voice of reason, you are not responsible for any death that has occured.”

_ Maybe not, but I am responsible for you almost dying. _ He wanted to retort, however stopped himself.

“...Moreover, you’re not responsible for your attack.”

_ Can she, like, read my mind or something? _

“Yes I am. E-everything I did to y-you. It was me… w-why do you keep coming back?”

“Truthfully, I am terrified of you. However, simply abandoning you in this mental state would be idiotic.”

Makoto was taken aback by her first statement, it made him feel even worse.

“Y-you don’t have to worry… I don’t wanna put that added stress on you.”

“Makoto, when I said I am terrified, it has no correlation with disliking you. I have faith in you Makoto, I could never despise you.”

His heart skipped a beat, not due to joy, however. He was staring at Kyoko gripping the knife, and that small urge to take it revealed itself once more.  _ No. No. No. No. Stop. Stop. _

“Makoto. Look at me.”

He snapped his gaze back up, and the urge faded quickly.

“When I say I care about you, I truly mean it. In all honesty, I would have no idea how to proceed without you.”

“Kyoko…”

“My trust for you is slowly coming back.” She nodded, and exited his room.

He stood there, staring at the closed door.

“How can you trust me…” He had a doleful look, “I don’t even trust myself…”

\----------------------------------------------------

_ It was snowing, and a layer of snow had covered where he was sitting. The moon was reflecting off the snow, it gave him a sense of comfort. He had lost track of time, and guessed he had been out there for around an hour. It was freezing, he could barely feel his hands at this point. He didn’t mind it, however, as the cold somehow eased his mind. He sighed, and laid back, looking up at the stars. _

_ “Heh. I’ll miss this.” _

_ - _

_ “Kyoko have you seen Makoto? He’s not in his room and I can’t find him anywhere.” _

_ Kyoko was walking alone in the halls, until Sayaka had approached her with that question. She became worried, as it was uncommon for Makoto to wander off alone. _

_ “No… When was the last time you saw him?” _

_ “Around 9, I think? He was walking out of his dorm as I was entering mine.” _

_ “Did you speak to him?” _

_ “A bit, he was kinda... off.” _

_ Kyoko’s mind began running through the possibilities after Sayaka had informed her of his behavior. She had a general idea of where to search. _

_ “Sayaka, I’ll find him, okay? I know you’re exhausted.” She was trying to not worry Sayaka. _

_ “O-okay… just come get me if something happens okay?” _

_ Kyoko nodded, and they both parted ways. Kyoko started to make her way through every floor of the school, which was desolate at night. Her footsteps echoed through the hallway until she stopped at the roof access door. _

_ - _

_ The silence from the snow was promptly interrupted by the sound of a door opening. Makoto sat up and glanced behind him. _

_ “Oh… Kyoko.” _

_ “What are you doing?” _

_ “I-i’m not gonna jump, if that’s what you’re thinking.” _

_ In reality, that was why he originally went up there. It had only been about 10 days since his first attempt; however, even with the consolidation received from Kyoko, he still felt terrible. _

_ “Then what exactly are you doing up here?” _

_ “I don’t know, stargazing I guess.” _

_ “You still have a horrid lying ability.” _

Dammit, she always sees right through me.  _ Kyoko began walking towards him, and sat down next to him. _

_ “How long have you been out here? It’s below freezing.” _

_ “L-like an hour? I think?” _

_ “You really should be inside.” _

_ “I know… How did you find me?” _

_ “I just had a suspicion, something didn’t feel right about you disappearing like that.” _

_ Makoto looked down, the outside of Hope’s Peak was illuminated. He then laid back down. _

_ “The stars are really pretty, ya’know.” _

_ Kyoko was nervous about how little he cared about being on the edge, however she assumed she could grab him if something were to happen. She looked up at the clear sky, it was illuminated with thousands of stars. _

_ “I guess so.” _

_ “They’re not as pretty as you, though.” He let out a slight laugh. _

_ Kyoko gave a small smile, “No need for flattery.” _

_ The silence returned. It was a comfortable silence between them, however. _

_ “Hey Kyoko?” _

_ “Yes?” _

_ “I promised I w-would tell you if anything was wrong… a-and the truth is... I-I did come up here to jump.” _

_ Kyoko sighed, “So it’s confirmed.” _

_ “I-i’m sorry I don’t know why I still feel this way I just-” _

_ Kyoko looked down at him, “It’s… it’s okay. But please, Makoto, I’d be lost without you.” _

_ Makoto felt comforted by Kyoko, which is why he chose to confide in her, and why he was so easily able to tell her that. _

_ “Kyoko?” _

_ “Yes?” _

_ “I love you.” _

\----------------------------------------------------

“Are you okay? He didn’t try anything, right?”

Kyoko understood why Hina was acting like this, of course, however the constant overprotectiveness was becoming bothersome.

“It’s alright, Hina.  _ I _ came out with the knife, didn’t I?”

“Well yeah but-”

“As I have already expressed, I have faith in him.”

“So do you think he’s gonna be okay? Like not despair disease wise or whatever, just in general.”

Kyoko didn’t answer. She couldn’t predict his behavior at this point anymore.

“To answer your question, no.” Byakuya had appeared.

“If you continue to threaten him, of course his mental state will fail to improve.” Kyoko exasperated.

“I’m doing this to protect the rest of us. The trials are quite a bother.”

“I can protect myself perfectly well, and I doubt he will try anything again.”

“Your emotions towards him swayed rather quickly.”

“I still distrust him.”

“So you admit? There’s a possibility he may attack once more?”

“I never completely ruled out the option; however it’s most likely he does not have the urge to kill anymore.”

“Tch. Then I am doing this for my own safety. I expected more from you, Kyoko. To be this ignorant is simply foolish.”

With that, Byakuya walked out of Kyoko’s room, and shut the door.

“God what is wrong with him?” Hina scoffed.

Kyoko shrugged. She placed the knife in her drawer and closed it. She shifted her focus back up to Hina.

“You don’t have to keep watch over me, anymore.” informed Kyoko.

“It’s only been a few days, you’re still struggling to even walk.”

“It’s unlikely I’ll ever be able to walk normally again. I believe it would be better just to accept it.”

“Hmph. You’re so stubborn.”

“Likewise.”

Hina sighed, “Fine. I’ll leave, but just let me know if something happens, okay?”

Kyoko nodded, and Hina exited the dorm. Kyoko began to analyze every action Makoto had done today. She focused especially upon both instances of him focusing on the knife. She hoped somehow it was just a coincidence, and that it had no correlation with what Monokuma had said. Even so, her fear still resided within her, which prevented her from fully accepting that theory. 

“Something is off.” She began to think out loud, “I’m missing something.

She placed her hand on her chin and tried to think back to the first time she and Makoto had met. Oddly enough, a lot of the early interactions they had made her feel as if she had experienced them before. She ruled this to be hindsight, and proceeded to make a mental map of Makoto's personality and notable interactions. She couldn't think of anything too suspicious, however. Nonetheless, she failed to figure out what was the true cause of his sudden change in behavior. She knew part of it was caused by despair disease, but she felt there was more to it than that. She acknowledged his presumed depression to be a possibility, but everything still didn't add up, in her mind. She still felt as if a huge part was missing. 

"Monokuma." She called out.

"You asked and so I appear. The hell you want?"

"What would be the incentive for Makoto to still have despair disease? It doesn't make sense."

"Normally this slow shit is boring as hell but Makoto makes it soooo fun to watch."  


"In what sense?"

"He's spiraling into despair! It's not that hard to figure out."

That seemed impossible, to her. Makoto was the only one who had truly stayed hopeful, through every motive, trial, and execution.

Kyoko changed the subject, "I'm missing something... none of this appears to add up."

"What, the motive?"  


"No... this 'game'."

"That's a secret I'll never tell. Xoxo, gossip girl." 

Monokuma had left as quickly as he appeared, leaving Kyoko in even more confusion.

"Whatever is truly happening, I have to keep my belief in him, no matter what." Kyoko reassured herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> whew. still have no clue how close i am to the end. sorry if this is getting like... kinda long. also im sorry for the gossip girl line, i couldnt resist  
> tysm for reading <333


	13. beginnings of a downfall

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the uhm flashback heavy chapter.

_ The handle of the knife felt as if it was meant for his hand. He didn’t let go of it. _

_ “Why me?” _

_ He questioned as to why she sounded so calm. _

_ “Why me?” _

_ The same question. It irked him. _

_ “How are you still alive?” He looked down. _

_ Kyoko smiled through the blood covering her body. _

_ “It’s not time you kill me yet.” _

_ “What does that mean?” _

_ “I’m not meant to die yet.” _

_ How could she know that? Death is something that comes unexpectedly, it was impossible for one to know their date of death. Bending down, he hovered the edge of the knife above her face. _

_ “Not yet, you must wait.” She said. _

_ “Wait for what? Wait for what, huh? What am I meant to wait for? Getting it over with now would be better for the both of us.” _

_ “Patience, you will know soon enough.” _

_ “To hell with patience!” _

_ He quickly drove his free hand down upon her throat. _

_ “Makoto.” _

_ He tightened his grip around her neck. _

_ “Makoto.” _

_ The feeling of having so much power, he could have crushed her windpipe in a matter of seconds, it invigorated him. _

_ - _

“Makoto, wake up.”

_ Huh? _ The lights burned his eyes as he opened them. Immediately, he began to ponder about that dream.  _ No… I wouldn’t do that. It’s just a dream. It’s not real. _

“Makoto.”

Makoto shot his head up. Kyoko was standing, looking down on him.

“What are… What are you doing here?” He sat up.

“It’s 8 am. I was growing concerned by your lack of presence in the dining hall.”

_ 8? Huh? It was just 9 pm… _ He had been cooped up within his room the whole day, which made him lose a sense of time. Assuming he had fallen asleep early, he looked up at Kyoko.

“I still don’t think you should be walking…”

“You’re beginning to sound like Byakuya.”

He faltered.  _ I just want you to be okay… _

“How… How do you- Why do you keep checking on me? I thought you didn’t want to see me.”

“I have already answered that,” She said, shifting her stance, “I worry about you. I don’t believe I’m getting a full sense of who you truly are.”

“I’m not hiding anything... You even said it yourself, I’m “foolishly open” or something like that.”

“You were just having a nightmare, weren’t you?”

_ It’s just a dream.  _ He sighed, and nodded.

“Of what, exactly?”

_ Of what? Of  _ what _? No I can’t tell her-not now. _

“I don’t remember, really.”

“Are you being truthful? It’s only been a few minutes since you woke up,” she glanced at the clock, “Dreams tend to fade from memory after 10 minutes. You should at least remember some minor details.”

“How did you know?”

“You were thrashing, rather violently, if I may add.”

“O-oh. Well… I don’t remember anything…”

Kyoko was obviously suspicious, however did not continue to press him further. Rather, she sat down next to him, looking him directly in the eye. Makoto was unnerved, mostly due to her left eye. He wanted to break down in tears right then and there. He could barely handle knowing it was his hand that mutilated Kyoko in such a way.

“As I have said multiple times, please do not worry about me.”

“H-how can I not?” 

“These injuries are the least of my concerns, it’s simply not in my nature to let physical trauma stop me.”

_ Physical, huh. That still leaves mental unaccounted for, Kyoko. _

“I don’t care! You didn’t deserve this,” he clenched his fists, “How can you just… just trust me so suddenly again?”

“Makoto, calm down.” she spoke in a soothing, yet concerned tone, “It’s not your fault. You didn’t deserve this either.”

He was at his breaking point. As every teenage boy does in an outburst, he felt the need to punch something, anything. The rage building within him, he just needed to let it out.

\----------------------------------------------------

_ He had assumed a passerby had spotted them upon the roof. Looking down, he saw a small crowd begin to gather at the base of Hope’s Peak.  _

_ “Makoto, we should go inside.” Kyoko said sternly. _

_ However, Makoto was curious on how this would continue, and shook his head. Soon enough, moreover, a few police cruisers had arrived at the scene. Students had begun to exit the school, glancing up at the 2 on the roof. _

_ “Makoto.” Kyoko stood up. _

_ He didn’t move. He wanted to see how these events would play out. As he examined every person on the ground, he noticed that most of them were his classmates with some of the 77th class students and staff littered within the rest of his class. Suddenly, the roof entrance door swung open. He looked back, and saw Jin walking towards them. _

_ “What are you two doing up here?” He asked, exasperated. _

_ Makoto didn’t answer, and neither did Kyoko. She had scowl on her face as her father stepped closer. Makoto leaned over so he could look back down again. Normally, he would have listened to Kyoko, and would have answered Jin’s question. However, this night was in no way normal. He had truly wished to go forward with his plan.  _

_ “Makoto, we need to go.” She spoke, grabbing his arm. _

_ “I can stand up on my own, Kyoko.” He smiled. _

_ Kyoko had released her grip almost immediately. Standing up, he began to wipe the snow off his clothes, not taking his eyes off the ground. He took a quick glance back at Jin and Kyoko, who were both wearing the same expression of displeasure. As his gaze focused back upon the ground, he took a step forward, and began to fall right off the edge. He heard a few screams, most notably Sayaka’s, coupled with the rushing footsteps of Jin and Kyoko. A moment later, someone had grabbed his arm, leaving him hanging off the side of the roof. Kyoko was leaning down, grabbing his right arm with both of her hands. _

_ “Let go.” _

_ “No. I’m not letting you die, Makoto.” _

_ “Please… Kyoko…” _

_ A hand grabbed his left arm. Jin had also reached down to stop Makoto. They hoisted him back on the roof, and he just laid there. He wanted the cold to overtake him, he didn’t care anymore. He was physically and mentally exhausted, at this point, he couldn’t even get up if he wanted to. He closed his eyes, and heard a sigh. Kyoko lifted him up, as she knew he wasn’t going to walk back by his own accord. _

_ “Makoto,” she said, while shifting him so he was on her back, “I-” _

_ “Please hurry, if you would.” Jin cut Kyoko off. _

_ She glared at him, and began to walk back inside the school, soon being met with the rest of their class. _

_ “Oh my god is he okay?” fretted Sayaka. _

_ “Oh my, what a turn of events.” Celeste turned her head slightly. _

_ “Fuckin’ hell have some emotions ya loli,” Mondo retorted, “Bastard just tried to jump off the fuckin’ building.” _

_ Celeste just let out a “hmph” as a response. Kyoko kept walking as the others followed. With chatter coming from Kyoko’s class following behind her as they made it to the first floor, a few students from the 77th class were standing there. _

_ “What the HELL just happened?” Akane questioned. _

_ Kyoko kept her pace up. _

_ “You gonna tell us or just walk away?” Hiyoko said, frustrated. _

_ “Leave them.” Mahiru replied, grabbing Hiyoko’s hand. _

_ Soon enough, Kyoko was outside Makoto’s dorm. The others were crowding the door as Kyoko opened it _ .  _ Jin dismissed the other students as Kyoko walked into the room, placing Makoto down on his bed. He was awake; however, obviously rather exhausted. Jin stepped in, following Kyoko. He opened his mouth to speak, however one glare from Kyoko was enough to make him sigh and walk out of the room. _

_ “Makoto…” she frowned. _

_ “I’m sorry… I don’t know what came over me… I just feel numb.” _

_ Kyoko sat adjacent to Makoto. He grabbed her hand as soon as she did, and looked at her. _

_ “I broke our promise, didn’t I?” _

\----------------------------------------------------

Kyoko froze like a deer in headlights as Makoto raised his fist. He hesitated, and soon dropped his arm back down to his side. Kyoko wanted to leave, however she didn’t, she needed to get every bit of information out of Makoto.

“Oh god I’m sorry I-I-”

“It’s quite okay.

That was a lie. Her fear hadn’t subsided.

“N-no it’s not.” He frowned.

Kyoko grabbed both of his hands and lifted them up slightly.

“You need to stop taking liability for every one of your actions.” Kyoko attempted to console him, “This isn’t you, I know it’s not. This is your guilt.”

Makoto remained silent as Kyoko tightened her grip around his hands.

“I am asking you, Makoto. Please listen when I say don’t let your guilt control you.”

“But-”

“You’re not responsible for any deaths. Moreover, you are not responsible for my injuries.”

The direction this conversation was going was unfamiliar to her. It tended to be Makoto reassuring everyone else.

“I-I am. You’d be fine i-if it wasn’t for me.”

“Remember what you say almost every trial? It’s the mastermind behind this situation. And that statement can easily be applied here.”

Makoto dropped his head. Kyoko felt like she was losing him, not just conversation wise, but just losing him. His personality had disappeared completely. She didn’t have much experience in reassurance or consolidation, which only worsened her hopes for him returning. She lowered their hands, and let go of his.

“Would you like me to leave?”

Makoto looked up at her and nodded. Kyoko stood up unsteadily, until she felt a tug at her arm. She turned around to see Makoto looking at her.

“Do you need something?” she asked.

Makoto stood up, and hugged Kyoko.

“If anything happens to you… I-I…” his voice was trembling.

“Nothing will happen. We’ll all be okay, and we will get out of this soon enough.”

\----------------------------------------------------

_ Sunlight was peeking through the window. She opened her eyes to find herself next to a curled up Makoto who was leaning against her.  _ Did I fall asleep here?  _ She recalled the events of the night prior. After Kyoko had carried him back, they had talked for around an hour, until he had fallen asleep, Kyoko drifting off not long after. Currently, she didn’t dare move, as not to risk Makoto waking up. It was odd to view him like this after the events of the past few weeks, however Kyoko chose to enjoy this moment. He had shifted, and opened his eyes, taking a few moments to realize why Kyoko was there. He immediately perked up. _

_ “I’m so sorry!” _

_ Kyoko shook her head, “I slept here at my own volition, I don’t mind.” _

_ It took a few moments for Makoto to piece together what happened last night. _

_ “Kyoko- I’m sorry.” _

_ “You’ve said that multiple times since last night. There is no need to apologize.” _

_ “B-but I broke a promise! I lied to you.” _

_ “Promises tend not to hold much value to me anymore.” _

_ “But still… I feel so bad. I was just gonna leave you like that… Oh god I’m sorry Kyoko.” _

_ Kyoko was becoming irritated at his constant apologies, she viewed him as having no reason to apologize. _

_ “Why… Why do you still put up with me? Even after-” _

_ Kyoko cut him off, “I don’t "put up with you", Makoto. I care for you, I wish to see you safe.” _

_ He knew he couldn't say anything to make Kyoko believe he wouldn't attempt again. Kyoko also knew this too; however, she had to trust him.  _

_ “Makoto, I don’t know how much leverage these words carry,” Kyoko placed her hand on his cheek, “You mean the world to me. It’s dreadful to see you like this.” _

_ He leaned into her hand, “I’d do anything for you, Kyoko.” _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only reason this is flashback heavy is cus i'm givin y'all a little treat before stuff really starts... ha really starts going downhill <33\. also kinda hilarious how i managed to add kirizono and a hint of soapies in a naegiri fic
> 
> sorry for no update yet! it will be coming out on the 26th hopefully <3


	14. as the hero falls...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late post aaaa ;o;  
> also no theres most definitely NOT foreshadowing in here, what are you talking about haha

Becoming increasingly fearful, he chose not to leave his room. There were knocks at his door, however, he refused to open the door. He was frightened that he would somehow hurt the others. The hours passed, until it was around 2. Sitting alone caused him extreme boredom; moreover, he was becoming anxious without Kyoko. Kyoko brought him comfort, like a nostalgic memory. He couldn’t discern the causation of that feeling, nevertheless. This was different from the euphoria you get due to a childhood crush, he felt terrible without her. However, this didn’t sit right within his mind, he had never felt like this before. Of course, he loved Kyoko, that was a given. But this feeling was not one of love, it was one of an unknown desire.  _ Do I really just want to see her? Or…  _ He thought back to recent events. He had raised his fist at Kyoko, however he prevented himself with what little strength he had left. That moment made him uneasy. If he was willing to hurt Kyoko lucid, who knows what he might do if he were to get despair disease again. Another knock rang through the room. He was dithering on whether or not he should answer it. However he ultimately decided that ignoring the others would only worsen his mental state, and he headed over towards the door.

“If you hurt her,” Hina immediately spoke as the door opened, “I swear you won’t make it out of here.”

Hina was obviously enraged, and something like that normally would have startled Makoto, especially when she was talking about Kyoko. However, he didn’t feel much emotion.

“I didn’t do anything to her.” He replied, rather bluntly.

“I don’t care. If you even so much as threaten her-”

“I’m not going to do anything!” He snapped, “I get it! I almost killed her! You think I wanted this? All of you, just… blaming me!”

Hina stepped back. Makoto quickly came to the realization of his outburst. Sighing, he began to close the door, until he was stopped. Swinging it back open, Byakuya was now glaring.

“Arguing like children,” he adjusted his glasses, “However I must agree with Hina. You are growing ever suspicious with your recent… outbursts.”

“I can’t be calm! I almost  _ killed  _ someone!” Makoto flung his arms in the air,  “Someone I loved and trusted! I don’t know how you would expect anyone to be calm in this situation!”

“This is exactly what I mean. It’s beginning to become eerily similar to your behavior a few days ago.”

“Are you serious!? Wha-I-How can you even say that you… fucker!” Makoto was becoming increasingly revolted at the accusations.

“That confirms it, then. Monokuma was right.” Byakuya quickly shut the door.

Makoto grabbed his head.  _ No no no no he’s lying I’m fine I’m fine. _ He walked towards the bathroom.  _ I’m fine it’s a lie it’s okay _ . He picked up a long, glass shard from the floor.  _ I’m not going to hurt Kyoko anymore. I’m not going to. _ He pressed the shard against his neck. In that moment however, a realization hit him. With trembling hands, he dropped the shard.

“Oh god. What is wrong with me.”

He glanced down at his palm, which was now bleeding due to his tight grip on the shard. There was more knocking at his door, this time it was obviously urgent. He didn’t move from his position, however. The door opened, nevertheless, and Kyoko walked over to him, rather slowly.

“Makoto. You’re okay. I know you aren’t going to do anything.” She said in a calming voice.

Makoto didn’t face her.

“Look at me.” She was stern yet comforting, “Those two have no idea what they’re saying. I can tell you that. They simply don’t understand the situation.”

He still remained silent, blood was now dripping from his palm. Kyoko quickly took notice.

“Makoto, please, listen to me. I’m fine, right? I’m right here, talking to you. It’s okay.”

He turned around slowly to look at her with an overtly distressed expression.

“Good. Why don’t you come with me to get some bandages for your palm, okay?” her tone was almost motherly.

He shook his head, “What if I hurt you?”

“You won’t.”

“You can’t know that.”

“I do, Makoto. You won’t.”

“I almost just slit my throat, Kyoko. It seems I can do anything at this point.”

\----------------------------------------------------

_ The headmaster's room was an interesting sight for Makoto. He rarely entered it, however now he was sitting in there, both of his parents next to him. _

_ “I’m sorry, Mr. Kirigiri, however I believe removing him from this school is the best option.” Makoto’s father spoke. _

_ Makoto was taken aback from that statement. _

_ “No! Please, I can’t leave.”  _

_ “This is the second time, Makoto. I don’t think this school is a good influence on you.” _

_ “It’s not the school! If anything, this school makes me feel better.” _

_ “You worsened after you got here.” _

_ “Because you two didn’t care!” _

_ “How dare you even say that? Of course we care!” _

_ Jin interrupted the bickering, “Please, if you may. I do agree with Makoto, however. Removing him from Hope’s Peak is not a great idea.” _

_ “The parents should have a say in their child's life, especially after this.” Makoto’s dad was becoming increasingly angry. _

_ “Ultimately, the decision is up to the student. The sudden absence of a student would be detrimental to this school’s community.” Jin responded. _

_ “Yeah uh i’m gonna have to agree with mr. headmaster here.” The doors swung open, “we can’t have our Makoto running off!” _

_ The girl standing in the doorway was none other than Junko. _

_ “Uhm. Mrs. Enoshima, this is a private conversation.” Jin said. _

_ “Yeah yeah ok cool, whatever. But keep Makoto here.” She walked out and shut the doors. _

_ “I apologize for that intrusion.” Jin looked back at the Naegi’s. _

_ “You just let the students have free reign?” Makoto’s father asked. _

_ “Mostly, yes. However, they are not to come in here. Mrs. Enoshima is a bit- Anyways.” Jin replied, “Makoto will not be removed from Hope’s Peak. I sincerely apologize, however the community here is tightly knit, especially between the classes. The disruption caused by one student leaving would-” _

_ “I could care less about the ‘community’. This is the second time he has attempted suicide. I do believe it’s the school.” _

_ Makoto looked up, “You would have known, if you cared, that I’ve tried 2 other times before Hope’s Peak, but Komaru stopped me.” _

_ The room was met with silence. _

_ “Fine. You can stay in this school. However if this occurs one more time, I will be removing you.” _

_ With his father's statement, Makoto stood up, and walked out. _

_ \------ _

_ Kyoko was pacing outside the doors to the headmaster’s room. She heard talking coming from within, but couldn’t make much of it out. However, she did know Makoto’s parents wanted him out of the school, which was making Kyoko nervous. _

_ “Makoto is in there right?” A familiar voice asked. _

_ “Yes. However I’d advise against going in there.” _

_ “God you’re kinda annoying sometimes. Don’t you want your little boyfriend to stay?” Junko said, placing her ear against the door. _

_ Kyoko stopped pacing, “Junko, you have no reason to go in there.” _

_ “Uhh duh of course I do.” _

_ Kyoko couldn’t stop her, Junko already had her hands on the doors. Kyoko stood there, dumbfounded, as the doors shut. Junko emerged only a few moments later. Kyoko ignored her as Junko walked away with a grin plastered on her face. Makoto had exited about a minute later. _

_ “Are they letting you stay?” Kyoko asked. _

_ Makoto nodded, “Yeah. Your dad was adamant about me staying so I guess that kinda helped?” _

I guess he’s good for one thing.  _ Kyoko began to walk towards the stairs, Makoto following suit. It was the evening, and classes had ended a few hours ago. They made it down to the first floor, and Makoto began walking towards the entrance of the school. _

_ “We should go back to the dorms, Makoto.” Kyoko looked at him. _

_ “Can we just… Go outside? I wanna watch the sunset with you.” _

_ Kyoko couldn’t say no, and just sighed and walked to the entrance with him. Flurries of snow were falling, and the world was incredibly silent. The sky was a magnificent array of deep pinks and oranges.  _

_ “It’s kinda stupid, ya know.” Makoto said, looking at the sky. _ _   
_

_ “ _ _ What?” _

_ “Me, I guess. I know it’s weird right after last night but, the sunset, the snow, all the little things, I would’ve missed it.” _

_ Kyoko held his hand, “I would have missed you, Makoto.” _

_ “It’s weird seeing you all sentimental, I like it.” _

\----------------------------------------------------

Kyoko stood her ground, she wouldn’t let fear drive her away from Makoto any longer.

“Makoto, I am regaining some trust in you. I know you will not attempt anything.” She stepped closer to him.

“Kyoko… please. I don’t want to hurt you anymore.”

“You won’t. If you would, please come with me to the medbay.”

Makoto stood still, until he slowly nodded and began to walk towards the door. As they both entered the hallway, they were met with Hina glaring at them, not saying a word. Kyoko ignored her, however Makoto stopped.

“I’m not going to hurt her.”

Makoto continued walking alongside Kyoko. Kyoko, naturally, was nervous, as she was now walking the halls alone with what was her attacker. They entered the medbay, and Kyoko immediately grabbed a roll of dressings. Makoto placed his still slightly trembling hand out, which revealed a large cut across his palm. Sighing, Kyoko began to wrap it.

“Why do you care so much?” Makoto asked.

“I don’t know.” Kyoko cut the end of the bandages off the roll.

“I could hurt you at any second.”   


“You make it sound like you want to.”

“N-no! I’m just scared.”

“You shouldn’t be. I highly doubt you’ll ever do something of that nature again.”

“Nothing feels right anymore, Kyoko.”

“What do you mean?”

“I-I just… it’s so terrible being alone. I don’t want to hurt you but I also need to be with you.”   


Kyoko’s stance shifted, “That’s… odd. However, there is no need to worry about hurting me. Moreover, you may ignore Byakuya’s rule of not going out.”

“He’s… He’s right though. It’s for the safety of all of you.”

Kyoko tilted her head, “You’re going to give in that easily?”

“I-I don’t know… I just can’t hurt you.”

“Do as you wish, however, just know you will not hurt me.”

Makoto just stared at her, his fists now clenched. Kyoko grew increasingly weary, however did not express it. She was not able to identify his emotions, which was extremely unusual for Makoto. He always tended to be outwardly expressive, however this was just a blank stare. Her subconscious caused her to step back, which was what snapped Makoto back into reality.

“See? I-I’m-” He was cut off almost immediately.

“No, I misjudged.”

He paused, “I-You shouldn’t be around me anymore. I-I’m scared, Kyoko.”

“For what reason, exactly? There’s no need to worry about what Monokuma or the others have claimed.”

“Yes there is!” Makoto retaliated, “What if I kill you? Like  _ actually _ kill you?”

Kyoko somehow outwardly remained rather calm, however her heart was racing.

“That’s never going to happen.” She confidently stated.

“No offense, Kyoko, but I think I know myself better than you do.”

This was out of character for him. He never had these outbursts like this before, especially outbursts that are growing in frequency. Kyoko kept trying to convince herself that he was okay, and that this was just a weird fling of emotions.  _ Maybe you are too far gone, Makoto. _

She frowned slightly, “You’re okay, Makoto. I can say that with extreme certainty.”

“No you can’t! You can’t!”   


“Calm down, they’ve accomplished what they’ve wanted, to get in your head. There would be no reason to get despair disease again, it simply wouldn’t make sense.”

“I wouldn’t put anything past the mastermind.”

Kyoko let out a sigh, lifting her leg up slightly, “We’re going back to your dorm, okay?”

“I forgot about your leg, wait, oh god I’m so sorry.”

“I’m fine.”

_ Good, he’s still in there somewhere. _

“You sure? I mean-”   


“Let’s go.”

They had made it back to his dorm, Makoto asking Kyoko multiple times if she was really okay to walk. However, it felt forced to Makoto. Sure, he was worried about Kyoko, but he was also mildly apathetic. 

“Kyoko?” He placed his hand on the doorknob, “Please go back to your room and rest.”

Kyoko didn’t argue, and just nodded.  _ He’s starting to sound like me, huh? At least he still has some concern.  _ She was attempting to prove to herself that he was still Makoto. She began to walk back to her dorm, worrying about Makoto.

\----------------------------------------------------

He shut his door. He felt as if his mind was fading in and out of lucidity, he didn’t know which thoughts were his.

“It’s okay, It’s okay, It’s okay.” He kept trying to reassure himself, to no avail.

_ Kyoko… Kyoko… it’s fine. She’s fine. It’s fine…… No thats not fine. Not fine not fine not fine.  _ He couldn’t take this anymore, the constant arguing with himself over something that should have a simple answer. He didn’t want to hurt Kyoko, he didn’t want to kill Kyoko, did he? 

“No. No. No. No. FUCK!”

He quickly punched one of the metal sheets covering the windows. Blood began to drip from his knuckles. 

“Heh.”

_ Just go and do it. Right now. Now. Now. Now. Now. Now.  _ He turned and stepped towards the door before stopping himself.  _ No. No. No. No. No. _ He felt lightheaded, and he knew what this meant. This time, however, he was alone, the others couldn’t stop him before it occurred.

“I’m so sorry Kyoko…” he said as his vision darkened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wheeeeeew! ending is in full swing!! here we go yall, strap on for the ride.  
> also im really sorry in advance


	15. ...the world follows suit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> !!!!TW/CW: GORE!!!!!  
> holy shiiii yalls i have been WAITING to write this.  
> also sorry its not that long, i just feel like this is a good place to end it :)

Something was obviously off. Ever since she was a child, she was always told she had the ability to “hear the reapers footsteps”. That is meaning she could sense when death was coming. This unnerved her immensely, and she had an idea of what was going to happen. She refused to believe it, however. Her mind wouldn’t let her accept that Makoto was already gone. She had the urge to check on him, but listened to her judgment and remained locked in her room. Surprisingly, she wasn't concerned for the others safety, she had confidence within her theory. _He’s only going for me._ She readied herself. It was now a game of survival once again. This time, however, she was at an extreme disadvantage. Makoto, due to his small, lean stature, was surprisingly agile, as she found out a few days prior. Though, he did struggle with sharp turns. Now, Kyoko was quickly picking out every weakness he had for a chance of survival. _Blind spot, fuck_ . She remembered she was entirely blind on her left side now, which would give Makoto an easy opening. There was no way to counteract this flaw, which meant if he were to attack her, she had to keep her head on a swivel when he was out of view. She was going to double check her door, until she heard the bang. That same bang from that fateful day. _Fuck._ The banging continued, and what were considered “lock proof” locks began to weaken. Kyoko understood she was in a terrible position, confined to such a small space. She quickly attempted to create an escape route, by hiding from the line of sight of the door. 

“I’m ready, you bastard.”

The door swung open, Makoto yelling expletives as he entered. He slowly began to walk into the room, blood dripping down his face. As he turned his head the opposite way, Kyoko took her chance and slipped past him, running as fast as she could. Her leg, however, was slowing her down immensely, and she knew Makoto would catch her. But, if she could make quick, sharp turns, she might be able to stall him. As she exited, she saw Hina with a busted nose slowly standing up from the floor.

“Don’t worry. You go.” She ordered.

Kyoko nodded and went back on the defense.

\----------------------------------------------------

“Alright,” Hina said, “Let’s go.”

“Awww you really want to get in the way huh? Look what I already did.” Makoto taunted.

“Hey you took me off guard!” Hina scoffed, “Anyways, I can take you.”

With that, Hina lept and tackled Makoto to the ground. He was thrashing at an attempt to get back up. Suddenly, Makoto drove the knife into her upper arm, and she instinctively released him.

“Shit!”

“You tried, and you failed. Can’t protect Kyoko anymore.” He laughed as he pulled the knife out of her arm.

“Fuck, Kyoko!”

Makoto got up and began his search for Kyoko, turning around and spotting Kyoko turning the corner.

“Got ya fucker.”

\----------------------------------------------------

This was the only chance Kyoko had, to keep him off balance around the corners of the dorm hall. She heard the short lived struggle between Makoto and Hina, however she did not witness it. _I can’t think about that right now._ She heard footsteps coming from behind her.

“There she is, my darling Kyoko. Oh how wonderful it is.”

Kyoko turned to face him, and he was a few paces behind her.

“You don’t want this.”

“Of course I fucking want this!”

“You were terrified not too long ago that you would hurt me.” Her voice began to tremble slightly.

“Fuck that! I want to fuckin kill you!” He crouched down, as if ready to pounce.

Kyoko took her chance while she still had it, and turned the corner as fast as she could. As the adrenaline kicked in, the pain in her leg lessened, which allowed her to run somewhat faster. Soon after turning the corner, she heard the slamming of Makoto’s body against the wall. It worked, and now all she had to do was wear him out by repeating the same process. As she heard him round the corner, she turned the next corner.

“God you’re really just gonna run in circles?” He didn’t sound even remotely tired, “I’m gonna catch up with youuu~”

That was followed by another slam, and Kyoko had decided to try to leave the dorm hall. Makoto clearly wasn’t getting fatigued, however she could not keep running forever unlike him. The position she was in gave her an advantage, as she was closer to the exit than Makoto. However, she was slightly hesitant with the plan, recalling last time it didn’t work out too well. Nevertheless, she still went through with it. As Makoto began towards her again, she made a break for the exit. Kyoko didn’t look back, which was a horrible idea. She was slammed to the ground as she reached out for the exit, for the last bit of survival she even had a chance at. Makoto turned her over on her back and lifted the knife up. Kyoko knew this was when she died, she was about to be killed by one of the only people she loved.

“FINALLY! God you slippery fucker.” He wiped some of the blood off his face, “Oooooh I can’t fuckin’ wait!”

“Makoto-”

“Shut the fuck up, my dearest.”

With little hesitation he began to slice open the entirety of Kyoko’s abdomen. She felt every bit of pain as he did so. She felt her skin being sliced open. Her breath increased, and with each heavy breath, various organs began to spill out of the cavity created by Makoto. The pain was excruciating, even more so as Makoto reached his hands into her abdomen. He began forcibly pulling out organs, effectively beginning to disembowel her. She couldn’t even let out a scream, the pain was too much. Makoto took the knife and began to slice her intestines open. After blood was pooling out of her almost dead self, Makoto stopped. 

“You’re still alive? How are you still alive? Jesus you don’t fuckin’ give up huh?”

Kyoko forced herself to stay awake at some crude chance at survival. Suddenly, she felt a sharp sensation around her throat, it was Makoto’s teeth. He bit down hard, puncturing the tissue and cartilage of the esophagus. After getting an anchor within her esophagus, he snapped his head back, ripping out her esophagus. The blood was dripping down his mouth and throat, he enjoyed it. And with that, Kyoko had stopped moving. She had fought to the very end, but ultimately Makoto had succeeded in his mission.

\----------------------------------------------------

The taste of blood, it was amazing. Her blood dripping down his throat was galvanizing. However, that sweet sense of euphoria had slowly left, as the smallest part of his mind regained lucidity. He fully understood what he did, he had just killed Kyoko. The lucid part of him recognized this, and he wanted to die with her. He opened his mouth slightly and her esophagus dropped on the ground.

“Aw over all ready?” Monokuma had appeared near Makoto, “Alright you lil bastard, here’s a final treat.”

With that, memories began flooding back into Makoto’s memory. The past 2 years, every moment, every _fucking_ moment. He couldn’t take it. He began to scream and thrash wildly, scratching at his face and head. It was painful, it was overwhelming. He extended his arms, lifting the knife away from him. He then proceeded to repeatedly stab himself in the stomach, feeling every tissue and muscle being punctured.

“I’m… not… leaving… you…”

He lifted the knife up against his neck, and quickly sliced deeply through his neck, killing him almost instantly. The cut was so deep, the only thing holding his head up was the back of his neck where his vertebrae were. His head dropped backwards in an awkward way, as his body fell to the ground. And just like that, the lives of both of them ended.

\----------------------------------------------------

_They had made a daily habit of watching the sunset, well Makoto made Kyoko come out with him. Kyoko didn’t dislike it, however, even with how much she protested. They were sitting outside, dusk approaching slowly. Makoto had laid his head on Kyoko’s shoulder._

_“Hey Kyoko?”_

_“Yes?”_ _  
_

_“We’ll always be together, right?”_

_“Of course, Makoto.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tysm for reading!  
> 1\. i will be creating a new fic, which will be the story involving makotos flashbacks. the time period will go from the end of middle school up to the tragedy, so it might be kinda uhh long.  
> 2\. after that, the next fic im planning to write is a whump fic, where makoto gets kidnapped for years, and kyoko (and yui because well... yui) is put on the case to solve it, leading her into uhh some not so good things.  
> 3\. this fic was so much to write and its so sad to see it come to an end, but thank yalls so much for reading <3


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